Augen Auf
by aki.ari
Summary: AU - Allen washes up on a beach with no memories. Kanda fishes him out of the water. Where did Allen come from and why can't he remember anything? Yullen
1. Augen Auf

**Augen Auf**

Cobalt eyes followed the fragmented moonlight shimmering across the water's surface. The repetitive ebb and flow of the tide lapping at the shores and licking the rocky bank was soothing to the male's nerves. Here at the edge of the sea Kanda felt at peace, free from the annoying pestering of his "family" and free from the obligations of his work.

There was a gorgeous full moon this night, its light illuminating the rolling waves. It was at times like this where Kanda felt that nothing could break his mood. As he sat absorbing the stillness and the unpolluted silence he caught notice of a shadowed movement not too far from the shore.

"What the," Kanda muttered as he narrowed his eyes, trying to get a better look at whatever it was. A pale hand emerged from the dark water, clutching desperately at the rocks to the left of the beach. A white head of hair and milky skin broke the surface of the water coughing and gasping for air.

"The fuck," Kanda was up and running to the rocks, within seconds he was pulling the figure from the water. Pale hands braced against the rock as the boy coughed. The boy's head tilted up, liquid silver eyes shinning up into Kanda's cobalt ones.

"Thank you," soft words fell from quivering lips. The boy was slender and unnaturally pale, an intricate crimson scar marring the left side of his face. He was trembling slightly, it was early September, the water was still somewhat warm from the summer's heat but the sea breeze was chilly especially in the night. Shrugging of his jacket Kanda draped it over Allen's trembling shoulders.

"Just who the heck are you and what do you think you were doing out there?" Kanda asked. A rather crestfallen look crossed the boys face.

"I don't really remember much, just fragmented bits of memory – disjointed images and sounds – the people on the ship…they called me Allen," the boy said sitting on the rock, pale fingers tugging at the hem of the jacket uneasily. "Yesterday…I think it was yesterday…there was a storm and there were flames and screams…the ship…it was sinking. I was tossed into a boat, it fell and…I'm sorry, this probably isn't making much sense."

'The fishermen down by the wharf were talking about a storm today,' Kanda thought, mentally validating the story. 'What the heck am I going to do with a kid who doesn't even know who he is?' sighing Kanda figured this best wait for the morning after the kid has cleaned up and had a good night's sleep.

"Come on," Kanda said standing and offering a hand to the boy before him. "You can stay at my place tonight. In the morning we'll try to figure out what to do with you." Silver eyes looked up at him hopefully and a smile broke out on his face as the boy took the offered hand to stand.

'The old man is going to have a fucking field day when he finds out I brought home some kid off the shores,' Kanda thought bitterly as he led the boy back to his house.

Kanda dragged the boy into the lavish house overlooking the sea, up the stairs to a large bathroom. All the while large silver eyes stared in awe at the paintings that adorned the walls and the beautifully carved furnishings.

"You have a beautiful home," Allen said softly as he stood beside the tub, which Kanda was running hot water in.

"Che," Kanda seemed amused yet at the same time annoyed with the way the boy had been entranced by the objects in the house, which were mostly artsy because of Tiedoll. Oh yes the old man loves everyone, especially if they have a fascination with art like him.

"Get in; I'm going to get you something you can change into," Kanda said leaving Allen alone in the bathroom. Silver eyes stared at the closed door for a moment before slowly removing his clothing and climbing into the steaming water. It was too hot at first, but the heat did its job, working through his chilled flesh and warming the boy to his very core.

When Kanda returned he spared a glance at the boy in the tub. Milky skin was given a healthy glow, obviously having warmed up and a light flush dusted the boy's cheeks.

"The clothes are next to the sink and there are clean towels in the cupboard behind the tub. Just toss your wet clothes and the towel into the hamper next to the door after you're done," Kanda said from the door.

"Alright, thank you," Allen turned his head, smiling at Kanda.

"I'll be just down the hall," Kanda said before leaving the boy alone again.

Allen sighed as the silence settled over him. While watching the still surface of the bath water he began to think, trying to remember what exactly happened. Where had the ship been going? Why was he on it? Who was he? Why couldn't he remember anything? Surely he should at least have been able to remember his name for himself, not just what people had called him on the ship. Questions brought more questions and Allen began to feel dizzy. Standing he stepped from the water, the delicate drops trailing down his skin slowly in a chilling caress.

As instructed Allen took a towel from the cupboard and toweled off before dressing in the pajamas that were too big for him. Allen appraised himself in the mirror above the sink and almost laughed, the pants pooled around his feet, being just a bit too long and the shirt hung loosely from his much too small frame. Allen tossed the wet clothing and towel into the hamper before leaving the bathroom and making his way down the hallway. Poking his head into the room at the end of the hall that was emitting a soft orange light Allen saw Kanda sitting in what appeared to be a study of some sort.

Bookshelves lined the walls and a large desk was situated in front of a large bay wind overlooking the sea. There were rich burgundy couches at the centre of the room, surrounding a small oaken coffee table. On the table there was a tray with a teapot and two cups.

"Um…" Allen realized he didn't even know the man's name.

"Don't just stand there, come sit," Kanda said gesturing to a spot on the couch next to him. Allen hesitantly did as he was told. Cobalt eyes looked over him, scanning him from head to toe in the soft grey clothing. "Sorry, they're too big but Daisya's door was locked so mine will have to do for now."

"Oh, it's alright really," Allen said blushing. "Thank you so much...um…what's your name?"

"Kanda," the navy haired male replied.

"Thank you Kanda," Allen said smiling up cutely.

"I have some questions for you, but they can wait for the morning. I'm sure you're tired," Kanda said standing and leading the way to the guest room. It was decorative much like the rest of the house, paintings hung on the walls, thick cream colored curtains hung about the windows and mahogany furniture were arranged in the room.

"There are three people living here besides me, an old man, a rather tall guy and an idiot. You should be fine in here, I doubt anyone will come in and if they do then just tell them I set you up in here," Kanda said walking into the room. "When you wake up you can just head down stairs if you want, Tiedoll will probably be up and making breakfast or something. If not, then I'll come by and check on you after my training."

Allen took a seat at the edge of the bed, listening carefully to everything Kanda said.

"Are you sure it's alright for me to stay in here?" Allen asked.

"Yeah, now get some sleep," Kanda said while walking to the door.

"Goodnight Kanda," Allen said softly.

"Night Moyashi," Kanda said smirking at the nickname, the kid was quite small after all. Allen's brows furrowed a bit, wondering what the word meant but didn't get a chance to ask before the door was closed.

Allen turned and climbed into the bed, snuggling into the soft folds of the bed with a contented smile.

xXx

Morning found Allen staring out one of the large bay windows at the beauty that lay just beyond the glass. The sandy shores merged with rocky embankments, water lapping at the land in a constant rhythm and the rising sun bleeding together with the water just over the horizon. It was the same beach he'd washed up to the night before, yet the day fully pronounced the vibrant colors of the scenery. Thin wisps of clouds painted the cerulean skies, light purple folded into the gentle atmosphere.

Allen had every intention to sleep the night before when Kanda had left him alone, but he had been woken shortly after falling into a light slumber by jarring memories.

_A person was calling his name, begging him to wake up; there was a searing pain in his left arm. The flames licked at the deck, scorching up the mast. Waves crashed against the hull of the ship, tossing and jerking the vessel through the unyielding waters._

"_Allen, get in the damn boat!"_

"_No I won't leave you!"_

"_Shut the fuck up brat and get in the damn boat!"_

_Yelling and failing while being hauled into a small lifeboat, silver eyes vaguely made out the silhouette of a man, fire red hair flowing over broad shoulders. A face was illuminated by the twisting fire, a mask obscuring half of his face._

"_Damn apprentice, so fucking troublesome," the man shot the binds that had been keeping the boat attached to the side of the ship. Descending swiftly, colliding harshly with the water Allen was pitched forwards, burnt arm bracing against the wood. More screams serenaded the night – more horror to plague any survivors._

"_Master!" the pale boy called up as he was lost to the waves, being pitched about in the storm, being carried farther and farther away from the sinking ship and the dying men._

"_Don't leave me too!" Another violent toss of the waves knocked the boy out, left completely at the mercy of the tempest. _

The bit of memory served only to tell Allen how he got off the ship, but important questions had been stirred up again. Who was that man that he had called master? _Don't leave me too_, did that mean he'd been left alone before? Had he known of his past before the fire, or was it simply more speculation from shards of who he was? Why could he not remember?

Having been wound tight from anxiety Allen had resorted to watching the waves lick the beach all night. Despite his pondering he had been rewarded with only a sunrise and no answers. Sleepily the boy rubbed at his eyes, taking comfort in the sun's embrace. 'I feel so hollow and lost' Allen thought as he gazed towards the fiery star that brightened the earth.

"Somehow this feeling seems so commonplace," a soft mirthless laugh escaped the boy's lips. 'Should it be commonplace to feel a sense of overbearing loss and despair?'

Sliding from the windowsill Allen made his way over to the door, cracking it open a sliver before peering into the hallway. Silver eyes scanned back and forth down the hall. Deeming them empty and thus safe he tentatively stepped out of the room.

At the same time Allen had screwed up his resolve enough to venture from the room, a tall tanned male opened a door across the hall. Dark brown eyes landed on Allen in mild shock as he quickly appraised the boy. Silver eyes widened with apprehension before Allen quickly bowed his apology before retreating back into the room and shutting the door. 'Stupid idea…should have just waited until Kanda got back,' Allen thought a pale pink heating his cheeks.

xXx

Blinking a couple of times to register what he'd seen, Marie assumed his impassive expression and headed down to the kitchen where Daisya and Tiedoll had begun to prepare breakfast.

"Good morning Marie," Tiedoll said smiling as he set the table.

"Good morning," Marie said, glancing at the plates in his foster father's hands. "You may have to set an extra place this morning." All movement ceased and two pairs of eyes stared at him in shock.

"Why, we having a guest?" Daisya asked as he moved a frying pan off the hot coils of the stove.

"There's a young boy in the guest room wearing Kanda's pajamas," Marie said simply as if it was something that happened everyday.

"What?" Daisya hopped over the counter looking eagerly up at the taller male. "Kanda's gay? He has a lover? The kid's here? Is he cute?" Marie simply shrugged, not wanting to feed the boy's mischievous enthusiasm.

"My Yuu?" Tiedoll looked close to tears as he placed the plates down on the table. "My Yuu, I thought he'd never find love." The two boys stared at their foster father sighing at the dramatics. They loved the man to death but he was quite the crybaby when he was ready.

It was at this moment that Kanda chose to return from his morning training. Staring at the scene before him, he was about to turn and go back outside when Daisya ran over to him a devious grin on his jester-like face.

"How come you didn't introduce your lover?" Daisya asked only to find himself backed against a wall, Mugen pointed at his throat menacingly.

"What the fuck are you going on about?" Kanda growled.

"Marie saw the kid, said he was wearing your pajamas – why else would he be in such a position if he weren't yours? But you're really cruel to leave the kid alone in the guest room if you're screwing him," Daisya said laughing lightly before Kanda's aura darkened.

"Do you have a death wish?" Kanda snarled dangerously.

"Yuu, I'm so happy for you. Can I meet the boy, bring him down for breakfast, I've already set another place for him," Tiedoll said, eyes still glistening with tears of joy.

"He's not my fucking lover!" Kanda snapped. "The kid washed up on the beach last night." Three pairs of eyes seemed more shocked by this new revelation than if Allen actually had been Kanda's lover.

"God, thank you for giving my dear Yuu a heart," Tiedoll gave quick praise to the heavens.

"I would have pegged you to be the kind of guy to leave the kid and not give a damn about what happened to him," Daisya muttered in shock. "And you not only helped him, but you brought him in and gave him your clothes and set him up in the guest room. Marie you didn't tell me the kid was an angel. Short of that I don't know what he could be, 'cause only a damn miracle could make Kanda soften any."

"You find that surprising but me shacking up with the kid is believable?" Kanda asked incredulously. "What the fuck is wrong with you people?"

"Never mind that Yuu, go get the boy," Tiedoll said smiling softly.

"Che," Kanda sheathed Mugen in one swift movement before stalking from the room in a huff.

Kanda gave a brief knock on the door to the guest room before entering to see Allen sitting on the windowsill. Startled silver eyes met his cobalt ones before calming.

"What happened this morning?" Kanda asked trying to contain his anger.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just run back inside like that," Allen said gaze falling to the ground, "it just happened. He must think me to be quite unmannered." Kanda sighed, the anger fizzling out a bit at the shame that hung about the boy.

"Don't worry about that, just the idiots downstairs started prattling on about you," Kanda said. "Come on, you must be hungry." Allen looked up again, silver eyes sparkling as a smile broke out on pale features. Such a simple expression seemed capable of melting the hardness in Kanda's heart if just a little, for just a moment. But Kanda could tell it was fake – the boy had a miserable look in the gorgeous silver pools while looking out at the sea – there was no way the smile he showed was real.

Allen followed Kanda down the stairs to the kitchen. Three pairs of eyes turned to the two who had entered the room. Uncomfortable with the staring Allen shied away behind Kanda like a baby chick would hide behind its mother.

"He's adorable!" Tiedoll exclaimed as he walked over, gently grasping two pale hands in his. Allen's wide silver eyes shone up into Tiedoll's as the boy cocked his head to the side. Kanda shook his head as he watched his foster father fawn over Allen before leading him towards the table. Silver eyes stared back at him frantically.

"Calm down, no one here is going to hurt you," Kanda said unsure why he was bothering to reassure the boy of anything. Either way Allen visibly relaxed in the company of the older man, being seated at the table.

Tiedoll smiled but didn't turn to look at his son. Marie felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth at the soft though annoyed tone Kanda had addressed the boy with. Daisya however couldn't leave it alone and leaned towards the boy, faces mere inches apart. Allen let out a yelp at the sudden proximity and tipped back, falling to the ground, chair and all.

"What the fuck are you doing, damn jester," Kanda growled as he crouched beside the boy, who was rubbing at his head where he'd hit it. White locks shifting as he was helped into a sitting position.

"He's fucking cute, I was just getting a closer look," Daisya said laughing. "You did say that no one was going to hurt him Kanda. I wasn't going to _do_ anything." The jester held his mid section while he kept laughing only for a butter knife to embed into the wall right next to his head, effectively shutting him up.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble I'm causing you Kanda," Allen said softly, white bangs shading his eyes from view.

"Che, you being here has nothing to do with that guy's stupidity and my irritation," Kanda muttered taking a seat next to Allen at the table. "Feel free to blame everything bad on him, I do." Allen tilted his head to the side to glance at the Japanese male and a smile painted his features.

"Well dear, what's your name?" Tiedoll asked bringing several plates to the table, all stacked high with food.

"Allen," the boy replied hesitantly, the name feeling strange rolling of his tongue.

"Well Allen, my Yuu tells me you washed up on the beach last night. How'd you end up there?" Tiedoll asked, almost regretting the question when the atmosphere around the boy fell briefly, though the smile didn't falter.

"I don't really remember but there was a storm and the ship was sinking," Allen said laughing lightly.

"You poor dear, the trauma must have caused your memory loss," Tiedoll was near tears again. "You must stay here, I insist. We have plenty of room."

"Shut up old man, the kid can't stay here," Kanda said. A brief sadness flickered through Allen's eyes before it was lost to the deceptive pools of silver.

"But Yuu, the poor boy is all alone," Tiedoll said.

"The ship was going somewhere; the kid must have family somewhere who wants him back," Kanda said in annoyance, "and we sure as hell don't need anyone else around here."

'There's no one waiting for me…somehow I can just feel it,' Allen thought. Though scattered and disjointed Allen had pieced together enough to know that he'd been unwanted for much of his life. What bits he remembered of his past had all been sorrowful but he wouldn't say anything of that to these people.

"Man Kanda you're cold, you bring the kid in and you're already kicking him out. Think of how he must feel knowing his savior's an ass," Daisya said mocking the Japanese male and sending a piteous glance towards Allen who was silently munching on a piece of toast.

"I'm thankful to Kanda for everything he's done for me," Allen said feel uncomfortable with the stare Daisya had set upon him, "and he's not wrong."

"This kid's great," Daisya muttered as he sat back in his seat, "easygoing about everything, even your cold attitude Kanda."

"Allen dear, I'm going into town today. You could come with me and ask around the port about the ship you were on," Tiedoll said.

"Thank you," Allen said smiling.

"You are most welcome son," Tiedoll said, wanting to hug Allen for the adorable expression on his face.

"Che," Kanda stood from the table. "Come on Moyashi; let's find you something to wear." Allen looked at Kanda curiously but stood and followed without question. The remaining occupants of the table stared after the two with amusement.

"The kid's enamored him," Daisya said smirking.

"He really is adorable, that boy. If we're lucky Yuu, will get to keep him," Tiedoll smiled thinking fondly of the two boys.

"Kanda would kill you if he heard that," Marie said dully though he too thought that the boy would be good for his younger brother. He'd already heard the softness with which Kanda spoke to Allen, as if unconsciously trying not to scare him away. But Kanda was prideful and stubborn and the chance of him noticing the kid's influence over him was close to none.

xXx

"Damn jester has no normal clothes," Kanda growled in frustration as he rifled through Daisya's drawers and wardrobe for something suitable for Allen to wear. In the mean time Allen was standing by the door fidgeting with the long sleeves that covered his hands.

After some muttered curses Kanda found a plain pair of black slacks and a white shirt. Walking over to Allen he placed the clothes in the boy's arms.

"Change into these," the command was soft and Kanda didn't wait for Allen to say anything as he walked into the hall and closed the door. Allen glanced down at the clothing that had been given to him and then to the closed door. Sighing he set about changing. The slacks were a bit loose and hung off Allen's hips instead of sitting at his waist where it was meant to. The shirt too was a bit loose but was an improvement from Kanda's pajamas.

Silver eyes traced the burnt rust red skin of his left hand with mild disgust. It was a permanent scar of a mistake that had happened in his past. He'd seen a drawer full of odd accessories through Kanda's rummaging around and sorted through the items smiling when he found a pair of white gloves. When Allen was done he opened the door cautiously peering into the hall.

"Still too big huh, God you're small," Kanda said. "How old are you?"

"_I don't have a birthday."_

"_Well that won't do, everyone has to have a birthday. Form now on today will be your birthday."_

_A young boy looked up, glassy eyes staring at the back of a tall man with a top hat. There was snow on the ground, the chilly air whipped around the two violently. _

"Fifteen," Allen averaged as he remembered the Christmas day so long ago.

"Fifteen and still so thin and short," Kanda muttered, "that can't be healthy."

Allen pouted; it wasn't his fault, as far as he remembered it wasn't his choice to be the way he was. Kanda fell into silence, his cobalt eyes raking up and down Allen before a frown replaced the somewhat default hardness of his expression.

"Stick close to the old man," Kanda said as he headed down the hall to the stairs, Allen following close behind him. An almost real smile lit Allen's eyes for a split second – the small shows of concern gave Allen a fluttery feeling – it was a refreshing change from the lonely and painful memories that plagued him.

xXx

"Excuse me, we were wondering if you could tell us about a ship that sank during the storm," Tiedoll smiled at a burly sailor who was in the port-side diner drinking a beer. He was leaned back in his chair, mussed up head of caramel hair blowing in the breeze wafting in from the sea.

"You mean _Noah's Ark_? That ship was bound for England," the sailor said shaking his head. "It was a real tragedy, I hear there were no survivors. It's been almost three days since so there probably won't be any."

"That's bullshit, the captain got away," a blond haired sailor, with grease streaks on his face said, "him and the akuma who represent the Earl."

"That's nonsense you fool, where'd you hear that?" the brunette asked laughing heartily.

"I hear it was 'cause there were Order brats compromising his plans. The new _Noah's Ark_ was already being built before the _accident_ and is almost complete," the blond haired sailor muttered in a drunken stupor.

"There was a man on that ship with red hair and he wore a mask," Allen said speaking for the first time since they'd begun their search of the port.

"Red hair you say? And a mask?" the brunette said thinking through his intoxicated mind. "Can't say as I know the guy, but if he was on that ship he's probably dead."

Silver eyes drooped to the floor in a somewhat defeated manner. Tiedoll rested a hand on Allen's shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"Aww kid, don't look so down. I'm sure a cute little soul like yourself will have no problem finding a place to stay even if your old man died or something," laughed the drunken blond haired sailor.

"Thank you for your time, we'll be going now," Tiedoll said steering Allen away from the men.

"Did you remember something son?" the old man asked after having gotten to a small café a ways away from the docks.

"There was a man with me on the ship, he tossed me into the lifeboat," Allen said sighing. "I don't remember who he was or why we were together, though I suspect I was travelling with him."

"Do you have any idea why you were going to England? Is it possible that you have family there?" Tiedoll asked.

"I don't know," Allen's gaze fell to the table cloth as he idly drew circles on the cloth with a long gloved finger.

"What do you want to do?" Tiedoll asked after a few moments of tense silence. Silver eyes met his with questioning in their depths. "From here you can go to England and hopefully find your family or you can hang around here a while longer – with every set of ships, comes more conversation about other lands and the events occurring on the seas."

Allen resumed looking at the table cloth as he thought about his options. "You're welcome to stay with us while you're here, even if it's just while you make up your mind on what to do," Tiedoll added smiling.

Allen smiled in thanks at the old man before a trouble expression fell upon his face.

"That blond haired sailor made it sound like someone intended for the ship to sink…" Allen seemed to have fallen into deep thought and Tiedoll's own expression darkened. 'I hope this kid never has to meet the Earl, vile despicable excuse for a man,' Tiedoll thought shaking his head.

"Come now Allen, before we go home let's get you some clothes that will actually fit," Tiedoll smiled as he gently pulled the boy up with him, leading him through the town.

xXx

"Well?" Tiedoll urged as Allen stood in front of the three other occupants of the house in his new clothes. After dragging Allen through countless stores the old man had finally returned to the house and had instantly pitched Allen in front of his sons for their verdict.

"He still looks damn cute," Daisya said shrugging as he appraised Allen's new attire – which actually wasn't very different from what he'd left in, save for this actually fit him like it was supposed to. Black boots came up to his knees over his black slacks, a white shirt with a black vest over it adorned his upper half with a red ribbon tied casually around the collar. On his hands he'd gotten his own pair of white gloves so that he could return the one's he'd borrowed from Daisya's drawer.

Marie simply nodded his approval of the boy's attire while waiting for the news about their initial intention of heading to the port.

"Che," Kanda turned away, seemingly uninterested either way.

"Yuu, how does he look?" Tiedoll urged.

"It's fine, at least it fits him," Kanda shrugged though he had carefully taken in every detail about the boy before him and had decided it suited him. The blood red ribbon matched the crimson of the scar running along the left side of his face, and was the only color on the outfit – Kanda found it to fit nicely, especially as it was tied into a delicate bow.

"So what happened besides the shopping spree?" Daisya asked as he slumped into a chair. "Find out anything 'bout the kid or his mysterious sinking ship?"

"Not much unfortunately, just that the ship was headed to England and that no survivors have been found," Tiedoll said leaving out the information about the Earl and the akuma. His boys were well aware of who the Earl was and he didn't want anyone to tell Allen about the foul man – the child was already troubled enough, he didn't need to know the evils the man was capable of and the knowledge that the ships' sinking may very well have been on his order.

"So what's going to happen?" Daisya asked.

"I suggested that he stay with us for a while and ask around port when the new ships come in," Tiedoll said. "I don't think it'd be good idea sending him to England alone especially when his memories are so scattered."

"_Do as you're told runt! I may be stuck with you but that doesn't mean you live for free. You have to earn your keep."_

_A small boy with glassed over, sorrowful silver eyes stared up at the tall male, nodding in understanding._

"_Good, I'll teach you everything you need to know to be my apprentice. So call me Master from now on."_

_Hearty laughter resounded from the large man as he rested a heavy hand on Allen's head, patting him like some sort of small animal._

"While I'm here, I'd like to earn my keep. If there's anything I can do please let me know," Allen said bowing his head. Silence settled across the room as everyone stared at the pale boy. The silence was broken as Daisya burst into a bout of laughter.

"God, I love this kid," Daisya exclaimed.

"Allen, you really don't have to worry," Tiedoll said smiling as he adjusted his glasses.

"Please, I insist," Allen said silver eyes meeting Tiedoll's with an emotion the old man just couldn't place.

xXx

The day passed slowly, Allen doing odds and ends around the house to keep busy. Cleaning and washing, even cooking came easily to him. Though he didn't remember much of many of the skills he seemed to possess his body did. He was like he was on autopilot and just watching from behind a glass.

'England…Noah's Ark…the Earl,' Allen had been thinking over the information he'd received in town earlier that day and no matter how he arranged the thoughts on the subject nothing sparked his memory. 'Akuma…the Order,' a heavy feeling set over Allen's heart, as if trying to remind him of the significance of these names and places.

"Oi Moyashi," Kanda said as he walked into the kitchen, leaning against the counter. Silver eyes looked up from the vegetables he'd been chopping. "Now that I have a chance to ask you some questions, you mind not spacing out on me." Allen nodded, a small smile brimming on his face as he resumed prepping the ingredients for dinner.

"What do you remember of the ship before it sank?" Kanda asked, his eyes following Allen's every movement in the kitchen, not missing the fact that Allen seemed to be doing everything without thinking.

"There was a man on the ship; I think I was travelling with him. He was tall and had long red hair and a white mask was obscuring half of his face from view. He was yelling at me," Allen said as he recalled the memory. "He tossed me into a boat and shot the lines…I would have been away from the ship before it actually sank."

'Red hair and a mask…is that kid talking about General Cross?' Kanda wondered. 'He's been missing from the Order for years.'

"That man, do you remember his name?" Kanda asked. Allen shook his head in the negative as he put a pot of water on the stove to boil.

"Do you remember anything before getting on the ship?" Cobalt eyes watched as pale hands slid strands of soba into the boiling water. Allen was silent as he tired to fight through the fog in his memories.

"_Now shut up and stay close to me brat."_

"_Master?"_

"_Just do as I say!"_

"_But this ship is owned by the Earl, shouldn't we –"_

"_I told you to shut up."_

_A gun was pointed at Allen, as he cringed back from the frightening red head. Only when the gun was placed back in its holster did Allen relax. The dock was dark and drafty the night they boarded the vessel, Allen wearily made his way onto the ship close behind the red headed gunman. His left eye burned, pale hand flying up to clasp over it. A larger hand pulled Allen's away from his face, holding it to his side._

"_Control yourself."_

"Master told me to shut up…there was…" Allen struggled with finding the right words to describe his recollection, "who's the Earl?" Kanda visibly stiffened and his eyes narrowed.

"Where did you hear that name?" Kanda asked carefully gauging the boy's expression.

"I had asked master why we were boarding a ship owned by the Earl...and in town this morning a sailor said something about the captain of the ship and the akuma representing the Earl surviving. He also said something about a new _Noah's Ark_ being built to replace the one that sank," Allen said not understanding the connection between the puzzle pieces that lay before him.

"Does the old man know this?" Kanda asked, Allen nodded, not grasping the strange urgency in Kanda's gaze.

'What else happened at port that was conveniently left out?' Kanda felt his annoyance with his foster father growing.

"The Earl is a man you should hope to never meet," Kanda said stiffly. He had never met the man in person but his family was despicable and then his followers too were sickening creatures, akuma. If the boy's master had been Cross then it would stand to reason that he was meant to be a part of the Order as well, that is unless Cross had taught him differently. Either way it didn't matter so long as Allen remained unaware of the situation.

Kanda couldn't understand what Cross had been thinking taking this small child onto the Earl's demon ship. What had he gone there for and where was he now, had he survived? What were his intentions for the Order? Where had he been for the past years and why hadn't he filed his mission reports?

"You'd think I'd remember important stuff like enemies and allies right," Allen laughed lightly as he stirred the noodles a bit before moving over to the sink with the pot to strain it.

"Don't think too hard on it, you'll just get a headache," Kanda said choosing to save his other questions for a later time. Having finished strained the noodles Allen carefully arranged them on five plates before quickly sautéing the sliced vegetables and lined the side of the plate with the colorful mix.

"Dinner's ready," Allen said smiling as he set the table with just as much delicate precision as he had decorated the plates with the food. Kanda walked over, opening the window.

"Old man, jester, the kid finished making dinner," Kanda called before walking back over to the table and taking a seat next to Marie who had just been in the other room reading the papers. Soon everyone was seated at the table admiring the meal set before them.

"If nothing else the kid remembers how to cook," Daisya laughed as he dug into the food. Kanda noted the somewhat distant glossy look that tinted the liquid silver pools.

'I don't remember, it just happened,' Allen thought sadly.

xXx

Later that night after everyone had turned in, Allen found himself once again sitting on the windowsill and staring out at the sea.

"_Keep walking forward no matter what."_

"_Please don't leave me."_

_Teary silver eyes stared down at a shadowed figure, pale hands clutching at the man desperately._

"_I love you Allen."_

"_Then don't go!"_

_The small hysterical child sobbed as he snuggled into the man's limp arms. His breathing slowed to a stop, his heart ceased beating and the snowy streets leeched warmth from the motionless body. Allen curled up in the cold arms of the corpse crying into the chilly Christmas night._

Wiping at the tears that had started to trail down his cheeks Allen leaned his head against the wall feeling exhausted from the painful memories. Surely he should have remembered who this man was that he cried over with such desperation.

As silver eyes scanned the beach, they found a figure sitting on the shore, long navy hair blowing in the breeze. 'Kanda,' Allen thought. Without thinking about what he was doing, Allen cracked open one of the small windows on the south wall of the room and slid out, shimmying down the ivy crawling across the wall Allen landed with a soft thud in the grass at the base of the house.

"Kanda," Allen called softly as he stumbled down the sandy embankment to the shore. Cobalt eyes turned to the sound and cocked a brow as he glanced behind the pale boy to the open window on the second floor.

"Don't tell me you just climbed out the window," Kanda said taking in the boy's haphazard appearance. Bare feet, loose pajamas and tousled white hair.

"Can I sit with you?" Allen asked smiling. Kanda sighed but nodded in response as the pale boy sat in the sand next to him.

"The least you could have done was put on a sweater," Kanda chastised.

"Contrary to popular belief I'm not completely fragile," Allen pouted, not proving his point in the least as he seemed even more vulnerable with his child-like antics.

"Then why are you shivering?" Kanda asked nonchalantly, when Allen said nothing he glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. Allen looked off across the sea, silver eyes longing for answers as if the sea held them. Kanda pulled Allen to lean against him, the pale boy unconsciously moving into the warmth of the older male's body.

"And you say you're not cold – you're skin is like ice," Kanda remarked as his hands brushed the pale skin of Allen's right hand.

"Sorry, somehow I'm used to it," Allen said.

"How can you be used to being cold, how the heck did you grow up?" It was a rhetorical question, Kanda knew the boy was having difficulty remembering his past, but it made Allen tense up in his arms.

"It's a strange sensation…like my body remembers but I don't," a soft voice reached Kanda's ears as he looked down at the boy in his arms. Silence blanketed the two, nothing but the dull roar of the sea as it lapped the sand, pushing small pebbles in and then dragging them back out.

"Is it difficult?" Kanda asked. "Not knowing your past clearly?"

"Not at all," Allen smiled.

"I'm trying to be accommodating, the least you could do is extend the same courtesy," Kanda muttered.

"What do you mean?" Allen shifted to look up at Kanda.

"I mean, you shouldn't lie so blissfully to someone trying to understand you," Kanda said expression impassive. Allen curled into the embrace more, reveling in the warmth.

"It comes naturally, lying, it's like second nature," Allen laughed mirthlessly. "It makes me wonder what kind of person I am – I couldn't have been a good person. Some of the memoires are so strange, the conversations so unusual. Even my habits and mannerisms…it's like I've been dropped into someone else's life." Kanda was silent not knowing how to respond or if he should bother responding.

"Is that enough truth for you?" Allen asked a smile still adorning his pale features.

"There's no way you're a bad person. You're too soft to be anything less than pure," Kanda offered turning his gaze to the sea as he thought over the day he'd known this strange boy. Allen said nothing, choosing to drink in the comforting atmosphere for all it was worth.

'If only that were true,' silver eyes fell shut as Allen's breathing evened out, feeling safe in the older male's arms, no worries plaguing his mind as he drifted into a much needed sleep.

"Baka Moyashi," Kanda muttered as he pulled Allen into his lap, cradling the boy in his arms. 'Falling asleep in the arms of a stranger, you really are too soft,' Kanda thought as he looked out across the dark water and the glistening sliver of moonlight peering from behind the clouds.

xXx

Kanda made his way back to the house, careful not to wake the boy as he mounted the stairs and pushed open the room door. Glancing down at the serene look on the pale angelic features a smirk tugged at the corners of Kanda's mouth. He placed Allen onto the bed and tucked him in, simply watching him a while longer before heading to the door.

Stopping Kanda glanced back at the boy on the bed and then his cobalt eyes drifted to the open window. Shaking his head Kanda glided across the room and shut the window, drawing the curtain.

"Yoi yume o Moyashi," Kanda whispered before closing the door and heading to his room.

xXx

"_Our job is to entertain Allen. We never show our sadness or pain to our patrons unless it is part of the act."_

"_Even if I'm sick?"_

"_Even if you're sick, keep up pretenses 'till the show is over and your patron leaves."_

_The young boy nodded as his smiling mask was born._

Allen's silver eyes opened, staring up at the ceiling. 'To entertain is to lie,' Allen mused, a pale arm draping over his eyes, a smile on his face. 'What am I?' The pale boy pushed himself into a sitting position looking down at the disgusting rusty red skin of his left hand. Pale fingers traced over the rough disfigured skin trying to remember exactly how it happened. The fire on the ship made a perfect setting for acquiring such an injury, but how had it happened and why was it already healed in the short time between his being hurled into the lifeboat and being washed up on the beach.

That raised another question, why did he not drift in to shore on the boat? Did he fall out? How long had he been swimming and being knocked about on the waves? Pushing the questions aside Allen slid out of bed and changed out of the loose grey pajamas he was wearing. It only just occurred to him that the nerves in his left arm were rather shot and he shouldn't be able to move it in the condition it appeared to be in, yet there he was doing everything as if it didn't look like it had been torched past the point of recognition.

He was growing curious as to how much his body could handle.

xXx

"Good morning," Allen said as he met Tiedoll in the kitchen.

"Good morning son, you're up early, how'd you sleep?" the old man asked as he sipped his tea.

"I slept well thank you, is no one else up yet?" Allen asked noting the fact that they were alone.

"Yuu is out training," Tiedoll said smiling.

"When do you usually begin breakfast?" Allen asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"You don't have to worry about it, I'll make it," Tiedoll said, "come sit down, have some tea."

"No thank you, I think I may have enjoyed working in the kitchen in the past," Allen lied smoothly, he really had no idea whether he had enjoyed it or not but he had to earn his keep somehow so he wanted to do everything he possibly could.

"If that's the case then have fun, do you need help?" Tiedoll asked smiling as Allen set about rummaging through the pantry for various items.

"No, but do you have any preferences of what is made?" Allen asked. "Typically what type of breakfast do you have here?"

"Well anything simple I suppose," Tiedoll laughed, they all could cook decently to be able to feed themselves but they rarely fussed over anything that took longer than a few minutes to prepare, yet here Allen was asking about preferences. "Surprise us."

Allen nodded and set to work.

xXx

About an hour later found Tiedoll admiring Allen's precision in the kitchen, Marie reading the papers, Kanda cleaning up from his training and Daisya setting the table excited for the delicious aroma wafting through the room. In the short amount of time Allen had managed to prepare several breakfast dishes: a beautiful aromatic rosemary foccaccia, herb roasted tomatoes that were stuffed with eggs and diced ham, a colorful fruit salad and lemon scones with raspberry butter. The assortment was stunning and left the occupants of the house staring in awe. Even Kanda's eyes had widened a fraction as Tiedoll helped Allen bring the food to the table.

"Good God is this what breakfast is supposed to be like, 'cause if it is we've seriously missed out," Daisya exclaimed as he slid into a seat at the table.

"You've really outdone yourself Allen," Tiedoll smiled as he took in the artistic beauty of each dish.

"I hope everything is to your liking," Allen smiled as he also took a seat at the table. "There wasn't much to work with, you should really restock your pantry."

"Che," Kanda flicked Allen gently on the forehead. "Don't tell people what to do in their own house," his tone was light and somewhat teasing, causing Allen's smile to brighten. Three pairs of eyes stared at the interaction with amusement.

"Miracles do happen," Daisya laughed.

"What was that?" Kanda shot a glare towards the male, who gulped and shook his hands in front of himself in defense.

"I meant the food," Daisya said quickly.

"Che," Kanda's expression hardened again in annoyance as he began to eat.

"Allen, I have some work in town today, would you like to accompany me?" Marie asked. "I'll drop you off in the port so you can ask around about the ship and then I'll pick you up and we can get groceries since apparently we're in need of them."

"You're going to leave the brat alone by the docks?" Kanda scoffed.

"It won't be for long," Marie said shrugging though he understood what the Japanese male was getting at.

"Maybe you should go with him Kanda," Daisya quipped only to be glared at again.

"I have more important things to do than babysit," Kanda said.

"Like what, brush your girly hair?" Daisya laughed only for Mugen to be pointed at his throat. "Joking! Just Joking!"

"I'll be fine on my own," Allen said smiling as he began to clear the table.

"Whatever," Kanda dropped the subject there, hoping the kid had enough sense not to get kidnapped or anything and wondering why he even cared.

"Why can't you go Yuu?" Tiedoll asked while Allen was in the kitchen, knowing full well what his son was thinking.

"Damn Usagi is coming over with information about a mission," Kanda said.

"Don't worry we'll take good care of the kid while you're gone," Daisya said grinning.

"You really don't value your life very much do you?" Kanda turned his cold gaze on the jester for what must have been the fourth time in less than an hour. Daisya shrunk into his chair to avoid the steely gaze that was on him.

xXx

"I'll only be gone for about an hour, try and stay in this general area," Marie said as Allen hopped out of the vehicle. After watching the tall male drive away Allen walked over to the diner from the other day and began asking about the ship.

xXx

"Yuu, I missed you so much!" Lavi bounded through the threshold of the door making to hug the Japanese male only to find Mugen at his throat.

"Baka Usagi, don't fuck with me," Kanda snapped.

"Damn you're irritable today, what happened?" Lavi asked as he pushed the blade to the side carefully.

"Nothing. What are the mission specs?" Kanda asked, sheathing his sword.

"Straight to business as usual," Lavi sighed. "You really need to lighten up a bit."

"If you have nothing to tell me get the hell out of my house before I slice you in half," Kanda growled in annoyance.

"The mission is really easy, we're just supposed to retrieve something from the finders in Germany and take it back to HQ," Lavi said.

"And they need both of us to do this because?" Kanda prompted; if it was such a simple mission then he wouldn't be needed.

"What you don't want to go with me," Lavi asked aghast. "I'm crushed," the red head exclaimed dramatically.

"I have better things to do," Kanda said simply.

"Hmm, that includes what exactly?" Lavi asked. "You never turn down a mission."

"He's got a cute little boyfriend that he doesn't want to leave alone," Daisya called from the open window. This piqued Lavi's interest greatly and the eccentric emerald eyed male grinned broadly.

"Damn jester, I'm going to fucking kill you!" Kanda yelled dangerously his anger spiking to new highs.

"Who is he? Do I know him? Can I meet him? Where does he live? How long has this been going on? Is he good in-" Lavi was silenced as Mugen was pressed dangerously close to his throat, and a murderous aura surrounded the Japanese male.

"Listen very carefully because I'm only going to say this once," Kanda said, "the kid is not my boyfriend. He washed up on the beach with his memories all fucked up and he's staying here temporarily."

"Oh is that all? That's no fun," Lavi pouted. "Still, can I meet him?"

"He's in town with Marie," Kanda said.

"Well I don't suppose they need the both of us, I just asked to be paired with my best buddy since you were free," Lavi said, "but it looks like you have a personal mission going on so you don't have to worry about it, I'll let Komui know I'm going solo."

"Che," Kanda turned and stalked into the house.

"You're most welcome," Lavi said grinning. "So when is the kid getting back?"

"I don't know," Kanda said. A single emerald eye took in every slight detail of Kanda's expression and tone and smirked.

"What are you smiling about?" Kanda asked annoyed just by the male's company.

"Nothing," Lavi beamed, hopping onto the couch.

xXx

"Sorry kid, don't know anything 'bout that," a sailor said before hustling off on his way. Allen sighed, he'd only gotten information he already knew or nothing at all from the people he'd managed to ask. A couple of people had given him some odd looks, if it was because of his stark white hair or his really pale complexion he didn't know. But whatever the case it had been unnerving and he found himself hoping Marie would be back soon.

"Hey there kid you want to know about _Noah's Ark,_" a smooth voice asked from to Allen's right. Silver eyes turned to see a rather scruffy looking male with unruly black hair, large thick black rimmed glasses and wearing a pale blue shirt with an overly large crew neck and loose dark blue slacks being held up by navy suspenders. It wouldn't be a stretch to say the man looked suspicious.

"Do you know anything about it sir?" Allen asked smiling and hoping that he'd finally get some answers.

"Not much I have to confess but maybe just enough for your purposes," Tyki said smiling. "The name's Tyki by the way."

"I'm Allen, it's nice to meet you," Allen said offering a gloved hand to shake. Tyki grinned as he took the boy's hand in his own and led him over to a set of benches by the docks.

"My information isn't for free though, that would be too dull. How about we play for it?" Tyki asked producing a deck from his pocket and began shuffling.

"Sure," Allen said hesitantly, "what's the game?"

"Poker," Tyki's smile broadened. "For every round you win, I'll answer a question."

"What if you win?" Allen asked knowing there had to be some sort of catch to this arrangement.

"I only play for things of material or monetary value," Tyki said smiling. "That means your clothes would be on the line seeing as you have nothing else of value."

"Alright," Allen said smiling. He didn't know why he was willing to gamble such a thing but he got a nagging feeling that told him he was going to win no matter what.

"Do you want to deal?" Tyki asked offering the deck to the boy, without thinking Allen took the deck and began shuffling. Allen wasn't even aware of his body as it fluidly produced a winning, four of a kind for the first round. Tyki seemed shocked but smiled anyway and waited to be asked a question.

"Were there any survivors?" Allen asked.

"Yes, the captain and three others," Tyki replied, "there are no other confirmed survivors." Allen nodded as he shuffled and dealt again.

"Full house," Allen said dropping his second hand. Tyki said nothing but he was shocked that Allen had won twice in a row.

"Was a tall man with red hair and a mask among the three survivors?" Allen asked. 'Does this kid know Cross?' Tyki wondered suddenly intrigued by more than just Allen's pretty face.

"No, but unless you see a dead body there's always a chance that the person is still alive," Tyki said unsure of why he was being reassuring to the boy. Allen nodded as he shuffled and dealt again.

"Straight flush," Allen dropped his cards again and smiled sweetly.

"Was the fire and sinking an accident?" Allen asked. 'How could he know that?' Tyki wondered.

"I'm not sure if the fire was an accident but the sinking wasn't," Tyki said. Allen began shuffling again unconsciously and dealt. Looking down at his hand a memory stirred within him.

"_You did well kid."_

"_I don't loose at cards."_

"_Cocky little brat."_

"_I'm doing it to pay off your debts, I can't afford to loose!"_

_His master smirked as he smacked Allen on the back, sending him stumbling forward. Defiant silver eyes glared back at the man with nothing but contempt._

"_I have taught you well."_

"_Let's play a game, you and me just one hand." _

_Cards were shuffled and cards were dealt. Silver eyes looked down at the sequence of straight spades in his hands: ten, jack, queen, king and ace. A grin split his delicate features as the cards dropped from his hands onto the rustic oaken table._

"Royal straight flush," Allen dropped the cards, eyes glassy. Setting aside the shock at loosing again Tyki observed the expression on Allen's face while he awaited the question.

"Allen," Tyki said when the boy didn't say anything. Tyki reached across to the boy and shook him gently.

"Sorry," Allen smiled eyes clearing as a gloved hand brushed white bangs aside.

"You alright kid?" Tyki asked.

"Why did the Earl want his own ship destroyed?" Allen asked.

"Because the vessel was compromised by his enemies," Tyki said. Allen's head swam as feelings and questions rose in him.

"_Don't do it boy, leave it alone."_

"_But-"_

"_You'll screw the mission if you do it."_

_The warning was firm and the man would not let him compromise the mission. Apprentice or not he'd get killed if he got in the way._

"_They're in pain."_

"_And so are you brat, you're always in pain."_

"_Master."_

"_Shut up brat."_

Allen felt a searing pain in his left eye and he briefly lost his equilibrium, tipping forward off the bench. Tyki caught the boy.

"Shit, what's wrong with you?" Tyki asked, steadying Allen back on the bench.

"Sorry, just a dizzy spell," Allen said smiling, left eye closed.

"Are you sick or something?" Tyki asked.

"I don't know," Allen laughed lightly brushing his bangs from his eyes.

"You really are something," Tyki laughed ruffling Allen's hair as he stood. "Maybe I'll see you around."

"You're leaving?" Allen looked at him.

"I can't take any more loosing for one day," Tyki laughed, "hold onto the cards until next time we meet."

Allen watched as the strange man walked off and disappeared, leaving him alone with the deck of cards on the busy port docks. 'What the heck is wrong with me?' Allen thought as he clamped a gloved hand over his left eye.

xXx

"Allen," Marie called. When he'd gotten back he'd expected to see the young boy waiting where he'd been left but to his dismay the boy wasn't in the surrounding area.

"Did anyone see a young boy with white hair around here?" Marie called.

"That kid that was asking questions 'bout the ship that sank?" A woman asked from the diner.

"Yes, do you know where he went?" Marie asked.

"He headed down to the docks with some guy 'bout twenty minutes ago," the lady pointed along the path that lead to the docks. Marie nodded his thanks before running off, hoping to God that the boy was alright.

"Allen," Marie called as he glanced around the dock.

"Marie?" Allen's soft voice caught the male's attention as he turned to see the boy sitting on a bench, knees pulled up to his chest and a hand over his left eye, smile still in place.

"Are you alright? What happened?" Marie asked as he sat next to Allen.

"I was talking to this guy and then my eye started to hurt," Allen said. "I'm sorry you had to come look for me."

"Don't worry about it," Marie said, "move your hand and let me see." When Allen dropped his hand the older male inspected the eye, it was completely black save for two rings of crimson. Marie really had no idea what to think and asking the boy about it would serve to do nothing but frighten him. While he was thinking about how to deal with the situation the eye returned to normal.

"Does it still hurt?" Marie asked.

"No, what did you do?" Allen asked, blinking.

"Nothing," Marie said sighing, he'd been working for the Order for a long time but never in all his years had he come across something of this nature. "Are you still up to shopping or would you like to go back to the house?"

"I'm fine, though I wish I knew what happened," Allen laughed lightly as he stood and followed Marie back to his car.

"You know that Kanda would have had my head if you didn't come back with me," Marie said. Allen looked at him, questioning in his silver eyes. His silent questioning went unanswered and he resorted to mulling over what had happened at the docks.

xXx

Allen and Marie walked into the house, many bags in hand as they made their way to the kitchen to unload their purchases.

"It's alright, I'll put everything away," Allen said smiling as he set about his task. Nodding Marie walked out and took a seat in the living room, where Kanda was currently ignoring Lavi.

"Marie, it's been ages!" Lavi exclaimed as he greeted the male. Marie nodded at the exuberant red head.

"Where's the cute kid that Daisya mentioned?" Lavi asked, unable to contain his excitement.

"In the kitchen," Marie said simply.

"Sit the fuck down baka Usagi," Kanda snapped as he walked past the red head into the kitchen.

"Oi Moyashi, anything interesting happen today?" Kanda asked as he leaned in the doorway of the kitchen.

"No, not really," Allen said smiling. "I talked to this strange guy and I may have gotten Marie a bit worried but other than that nothing really happened."

"Strange guy?" Kanda was at Allen's side in a second, eyes narrowed as he waited for an explanation.

"He offered to answer my questions if I won against him in poker," Allen said laughing lightly.

"Why the fuck would you agree to something like that?" Kanda asked. "What were the stakes?"

"I won every game," Allen said simply, "so the stakes don't matter."

"Of course they fucking matter, what if you lost?" Kanda's anger and annoyance was building though Allen didn't seem to notice or if he did, he simply didn't care.

"Yuu are you sure you're he's not your boyfriend?" Lavi asked having witnessed the whole interaction.

"Baka Usagi," Kanda growled as he shot the male a glare.

"Hi there, you must be Allen," Lavi said bounding over to Allen, taking the gloved hand in his own and shaking vigorously. "You are much cuter than I anticipated." Kanda's warning went unheeded as Lavi continued to acquaint himself with the startled boy.

"You've met him now get the fuck out of my house," Kanda growled as he pointed Mugen at Lavi. A pout affixed itself to Lavi's face before he ran to the door.

"You're so mean, keeping the cute little guy all to yourself," Lavi stuck his tongue out playfully. "If you're not dating the guy then you shouldn't be so stingy with who hangs out with him." Lavi yelped as Mugen embedded into the wall right next to his head.

"Ok, I'm leaving," Lavi said, hands raised in mock surrender. "Later cutie don't let mean old Yuu take advantage of you!" Lavi called before speeding away from the house. Allen shook his head and let out a sigh before continuing to unpack the groceries.

"Was the information worth the gamble?" Kanda asked.

"Any information that might help me figure things out is worth a gamble," Allen said. 'That kind of thinking is going to get him in trouble,' Kanda thought.

"The sinking was planned, the Earl found the ship to have been compromised by his enemies and ordered it sunk along with everyone on board," Allen said when Kanda didn't ask. 'Who the hell did the kid talk to that would know that?' Kanda wondered as he waited for anything else the boy had to say.

"Other than that it was a rather uneventful day," Allen smiled. "What would you like for dinner?" Kanda stared at the boy with a brow cocked, 'he's hiding something behind that smile of his.'

"The soba was good," Kanda said simply before returning to the living room.

xXx

"His eye?" Kanda asked, brows furrowed at the thought of the pale boy in pain. After a while of silence between the two in the living room, the taller male decided it best to let Kanda know about what happened with Allen. He doubted it would help, because neither of them knew what it was about, and the only person who should have known didn't remember.

"I didn't tell him what I saw," Marie said.

"That was probably best at the time," Kanda muttered. 'If he didn't remember and he became suddenly aware, he might have panicked or done something drastic,' Kanda thought sighing. Why he was worrying about the boy so much was beyond him, he'd never taken an interest in anyone's life before yet he found himself desperate to know everything there was about Allen. He could fool everyone and himself included that it was only to help get rid of the boy, but singing the same song would do nothing to change the fact of the matter.

xXx

Night had fallen and dinner had passed. Once again Allen had created a masterpiece of dinner, with soba as the main dish. Kanda had felt a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth when he'd realized the boy had taken his subtle comment into consideration as he structured the meal.

A couple more hours found Kanda standing in front of Allen's bedroom door, hand poised to knock. He was about to head out to the beach and he'd meant to ask Allen to join him so that the boy wouldn't climb out the window again. But he'd frozen in place, brows furrowing as he tried to logically explain why he wanted the brat to accompany him in the time he'd dedicated to his silent ponderings. If it was anyone else the night before, he'd have kicked them off his beach or something of that nature, yet he not only allowed Allen to stay but he'd held the boy as he drifted to sleep. Despite his denial he was craving that presence, which brought him back to the situation at hand – standing in front of the door like a statue.

"Don't screw him to hard or he won't be able to walk tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to more of that delicious food," Daisya whispered in Kanda's ear as he passed on his way to the bathroom. Kanda was glad for the distraction, albeit an inappropriate one and instantly turned his scowl on the jester.

"I never knew your death wish was so strong. As your _brother_ maybe I should help you fulfill that wish," Kanda growled dangerously. Daisya quickly closed the distance between himself and the bathroom, closing the door behind him before making to respond.

"Really Kanda, all jokes aside, the kid likes you. If it isn't clear enough by how he prefers your stone cold company to everyone else's," Daisya said. "If that isn't an indication of some sort of infatuation I don't know what is."

"If you don't shut up, I'll break down this door and cut out that damn tongue of yours," Kanda snapped from the other side of the door.

"If you have a problem with what I'm saying quit listening to me you idiot," Daisya retorted. Kanda was silent. "Just go back and play statue in front of the kid's door until he comes out or you give up and go back to your room." Kanda knew Daisya was right; he'd been the one to follow the male as a means to distract himself from his unorthodox need for Allen's company.

"Quit fucking with me," Kanda growled with a little less hostility than a moment before.

"Then quit making it so damn easy," Daisya retorted from the other side of the door. Kanda was silent again and Daisya half expected the usually stoic male to have retreated to the confines of his room and cautiously ventured into the hall only to see that Kanda was still there, quietly leaning against the wall adjacent to the bathroom.

"The Kanda I know, wouldn't be out here listening to me if he wanted to be in there," Daisya said shrugging before deciding to make himself scarce by going back to sleep. Kanda sighed as he pushed off the wall and was once again standing in front of Allen's door. Screwing up his resolve he knocked twice.

"It's open," Allen's soft voice called from the room. Kanda opened the door and stepped in, eyes glancing at the bed where he would expect the boy to be waiting to fall asleep. The bed was empty and Allen instead sat in the window, silver eyes staring out at the sea. Kanda was silent, words caught in his throat as he took in the beauty of the boy bathed in the pale glow of moonlight, a gentle smile on his features as he looked at him.

"Kanda, is there something you need?" Allen asked when the male didn't state his reason for being there.

"About the information you received in town today, did you want to talk about it?" Kanda asked, thoughts of the beach evaporating into the ether.

"Do you have any questions?" Allen asked. Kanda thought about it, yes he did have questions, a lot of them. But few that Allen could answer and fewer that he would.

"I was thinking about going to look for that man again tomorrow," Allen said when Kanda hadn't spoken. Kanda didn't like the idea of the boy going out alone again, especially not in favor of some other guy. "He has answers that I need." Allen seemed to be in deep thought as he ran over the way the male had known the answer to each of his questions.

"What stopped you from finding out earlier?" Kanda asked.

"He had to leave," Allen said.

"Are you sure it wasn't because of your eye?" Kanda asked. He didn't know what he was doing, accusing the boy in the manner he was.

"Marie told you?" Allen asked though more of a statement than a question. Kanda nodded.

"If you're going to ask me why, I'm sorry but I don't know. I do know that it's happened before though," Allen said.

"When?" Kanda asked.

"On the ship," Allen said.

Silence settled over the room as Allen was lost to his thoughts.

"_I won't let you to screw this up."_

"_Master, please…I won't do anything…I sw-"_

_Silver eyes widened in fear and apprehension as the red headed male brandished the object he'd seen too many times, a devious glint in his eye as the hammer came down pitching the boy into darkness._

_Wearily two chrome eyes opened, he was in a bunk, a splitting headache and the man he called master wasn't in the room. _

"Moyashi," Kanda said noticing the boy's glassy eyed stare, reflected in the glass.

_Grey tendrils of smoke seeped from the cracks in the door. Dizzily pulling into a sitting position he slid from the bed wincing as the jerk caused pain to shoot through his spine to his head in his mildly concussed state._

"_Master?"_

_A pale silver hand grasped the door handle, pulling it open. Flames licked at the arm holding the door, smoke billowing into the room. Retracting the hand the boy carefully ventured into the hall and up onto the deck where people were running and screaming. The ship was engulfed in fire; the sails torched pitching burning embers onto the deck and people. _

"Oi, you in there?" Kanda cupped Allen's chin turning his face to stare into the silver eyes.

"_Master!"_

_The pale boy pushed through the panicking people. A particularly loud and fearful scream caught his attention, his eye burned in pain and he instantly reacted. Hands grasped a cloaked figure yanking him from the woman who'd screamed and tossed the man over the rail into the turbid waters._

"_Are you alright?"_

_Another scream and a heavy weight pushing him down onto the deck, foggy vision saw the distorted world and another cloaked figure approached a twisted smile on its rugged features._

"_Akuma…" _

_Blackness again, with glowing oranges and reds beyond his closed eyes. Then more screams, so loud and piercing, an agony that seemed far detached from the realm of human feeling – screams coming from pale lips belonging to a thin boy with silver eyes._

"Allen!" Kanda said urgently, pulling the boy from his thoughts.

"Kanda?" Allen asked curiously as his eyes focused on the cobalt ones before him.

"What the heck was that?" Kanda asked, elegant brows furrowed in concern. Allen looked down apologetically. "You remembered something didn't you?" heaving a sigh he rested a hand on Allen's head, gently ruffling the silky white locks he found there in a simple gesture of comfort.

"Get some sleep; we can talk in the morning," Kanda said turning to leave. Delicate pale fingers wrapped into the cloth of Kanda's shirt. As the Japanese male turned to look at him Allen quickly pulled his hand back, bowing his head in apology. It had been an instinctual act, a need for companionship. Kanda looked questioningly at Allen.

"Stay with me?" Allen asked softly, eyes glued to the floor, waiting for the male to scoff and leave him to his troubled thoughts. A small, barely noticeable smile lit Kanda's features as he laced his fingers with Allen's tugging the boy off the window ledge towards the bed.

Kanda leaned into the pressed cotton sheets and would have purred in satisfaction at the small body that curled against his. Kanda wasn't foolish to think that this meant more than simple comfort for the boy but he allowed himself to revel in it just the same. The boy looked so perfect nestled in the sheets against him. Kanda unconsciously stroked his fingers through the snowy hair, soothing Allen into a worriless slumber.

xXx

_A small boy breathed into cupped palms, warm breath doing nothing to warm his trembling fingers from the frigid winter air. Knees pulled in closer, shifting to dislodge the snow that had built up on his tiny form. Snowflakes weighing on delicate white lashes causing tarnished silver eyes to flutter closed._

"_You'll die of cold from sleeping out here."_

_Silver eyes opened to stare up at a tall male, face shadowed by the top hat he wore. A formal jacket with coattails and a bow tie about his neck, 'what would a man so properly dressed want with a street urchin like me?'_

"_I'll die of hunger long before then."_

_Haughty laughter shook the sharp dressed male. Unamused silver eyes stared up in questioning at the man._

"_I'll be in town for a couple days. If the idea of staying with a complete stranger doesn't perturb you, you're welcome to come with me."_

_Silver eyes widened, shinning with a long lost innocence and a long dead hope. The man crouched in front of the boy, draping the much too long scarf around the boy's neck. A hand was offered and the small boy took it with a childish eagerness._

xXx

Morning found Kanda lying on a bed in the guestroom, arms encircling Allen in a protective embrace. He didn't know why he'd chosen to remain in the bed after the boy had fallen asleep or why he wasn't leaving to do his morning training. Allen would be fine by himself and he really had no place being there. Despite knowing this, he couldn't bring himself to leave the boy's side.

Not long after Kanda had woken, did Allen open his eyes to greet cobalt ones. Instantly a flattering pink dusted his pale cheeks as he bashfully averted his eyes.

"Good morning Kanda," Allen said.

"Morning," Kanda said in response as he pulled away. Mentally frowning at the loss of contact Allen sat up, eyes following Kanda as he stood and walked to the door without another word. The Japanese male knew it was probably a cruel thing to do, but the confliction in his desires had him irritated and in desperate need of his silent meditation. Allen had asked him to stay and he had complied with his wishes despite the strain it put on him with the warm body pressed up against his all night. It was a pleasant sensation but that didn't make it any less problematic.

Kanda spared Allen a glance as he opened the door, heart clenching at the crestfallen look on the boy's face. 'Baka Moyashi probably thinks he did something wrong,' Kanda thought sighing.

"I'm late for my training," Kanda said, silver eyes rising to meet his. "I'll see you at breakfast." Kanda couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth from seeing Allen's features light up with an unabashed joy.

Kanda loved seeing the emotions flit across Allen's features, this one however had been his favorite by far, and it was an expression that he would find himself cultivating over the next few weeks.

xXx

"I'm going to head into town again" Allen said as he flipped a pancake.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay here today?" Tiedoll asked. "The weather looks a bit bleak." Allen shook his head in the negative, white locks swaying with the gentle movement.

"Everyday counts," Allen said simply as he poured more batter on the skillet. Tiedoll looked at the boy thoughtfully, everyday over the past three weeks since he'd washed up on the shore he had been going out in search of information. Often he had been accompanied by one of the members of the household, but with Marie and Daisya both on Missions, Kanda grudgingly helping Lavi with a problem and Tiedoll having to go to a meeting of Generals, there was no one to go out with Allen.

"Well do be careful will you," Tiedoll chided as he set the table for their rather lonely breakfast.

"Of course," Allen smiled as he arranged the pancakes on two plates with an assortment of cut fruit, before joining the old man at the table.

"Yuu called this morning, before you woke up," Tiedoll said as he sipped his tea, watching with a smile as Allen perked up at the information.

"How is he?" Allen asked.

"He sounded annoyed, apparently Lavi is giving him a hard time about something," Tiedoll said chuckling. "He said he would be back later tonight, and for you to try not to do anything stupid in the mean time."

Despite the obvious insult Allen could hold back the smile that blossomed on his face. He was so happy that Kanda was thinking about him that he couldn't help the joy from overflowing into his expressions. 'I'll make the visit to town a quick one, if Tyki isn't there then I'll just come back and make Soba, that seems to be his favorite,' Allen thought blushing at the extent of his feelings. Tiedoll couldn't help but notice the joy sparkling in Allen's eyes and then the bright blush that painted his cheeks.

"He likes you a lot you know," Tiedoll said, chuckling as the blush darkened.

"I'm going to clean up," Allen said standing and rushing into the kitchen with the empty plates and cups. 'What a sweet boy,' Tiedoll thought.

"I'm going to leave now, don't forget to lock the doors on your way out," Tiedoll called into the kitchen where Allen had preoccupied himself with washing the dishes.

"Have a good day," Allen called back, poking his head out to see Tiedoll by the front door, "and stay safe."

xXx

After walking around the port a couple times Allen took a break. The angry blue of the sky bore a clutter of low set clouds – heavy and thick, dark shades of grey rolling about their puffy atmospheric wisps. The cold November air danced about the port, stirring the waters and tickling the sails. 'That sky…bad weather was an understatement, there's going to be quite the storm' Allen thought, shivering as a breeze wrapped around him.

"_You could have him back," a cheerful voice said as he twirled a strange parasol. "I could give him back to you, all you have to do is call his name."_

_Hopeful silver eyes looked up at the strange man, the top hat casting shadows on the smiling face. The Earl knew the boy was his when those innocent pools had met his, a grin splitting the smile, twisting his expression._

"_Go on, call for him." _

"_Mana!"_

_The body beside him was reanimated, red eyes glaring at Allen with anger as elongated nails cut at his left eye._

"_How dare you!"_

"Hey there kid," Tyki called as he walked over to Allen, pulling the boy from his troubling thoughts. "It's been awhile."

"I've been looking for you," Allen said, smiling sweetly as he turned to face the man.

"Have you now?" Tyki's lips split into a grin. "Missed me that much?"

"I have more questions," Allen said as he pulled the deck of cards from his pocket and began shuffling.

"I suspected as much," Tyki said. "How 'bout we match it question for question. If I win you answer my questions and if you win I answer yours?" Allen seemed surprised by the proposition but nodded as he dealt.

"Straight," Allen said dropping his hand before collecting the cards into his hands to begin shuffling again. "What was the ship carrying?"

"Interesting question," Tyki mused. "Besides people there was power source of sorts. Something quite valuable to the Earl, but it was better lost to the depths of the sea than lost to his enemies." Before Tyki had even finished speaking Allen had already dealt.

"Who are his enemies?" Allen asked as he dropped a flush.

"The Vatican and their pawns," Tyki said smirking as Allen had shuffled and dealt once again. "Not wasting any time are you?" Tyki chuckled as he watched a full house get dropped before him.

"What does the Earl do?" Allen asked.

"He cures people in a manner of speaking," Tyki said, shaking his head as he lost to Allen's four of a kind.

"Is he a stocky man with a large top hat and circular glasses?" Allen asked vaguely describing the image from one of his memories.

"That's correct," Tyki said. 'He's seen the Earl before – who the hell is this kid?'

"Straight flush," Allen said dropping his cards. "Where can I find him?" Tyki was silent for a minute as he stared into Allen's serious silver eyes.

"Not where _but_ how, is the question you should ask," Tyki said.

"How then?" Allen said, his resolve to find the answers he sought not wavering with the older male's antics.

"When you're in a state of complete and total anguish, when the one person in the world you cherish to the point of utter insanity is gone and you're left all alone, when you have nothing but your grief, he'll find you," Tyki said.

'It is that man, that night that Mana died…I was crying so much for him…he had been my world…he…' Allen's thoughts spiraled as a couple of the faces in his mind were given names.

"You lied to me," Allen said.

"How so?" Tyki cocked a brow.

"He doesn't _cure_ people, he reanimates corpses," Allen said, voice calm despite the raging whirlwind of emotions threatening to break him with its disgust. Tyki studied Allen's expression carefully before frowning.

"You've met him haven't you?" Tyki asked, it was Allen's turn to stare in silence. "And you're still alive, bravo."

"Last question," Allen said as he stopped shuffling the cards. Tyki placed a hand on Allen's gloved one, stopping the boy from dealing.

"Ask your question," Tyki said.

"Are you my friend or my enemy?" Allen asked with no trace of humor in his voice. Of all the things Tyki had expected Allen to ask that hadn't been anywhere on the list.

"What do you think?" Tyki asked smiling.

"I'd like to think you're my friend," Allen said.

"Then we're friends," Tyki said grinning, "and as a friend I have a question for you." Allen nodded awaiting the question in silence – he owed it to this man to at least answer one question. "Why are you asking all these questions?"

"I lost my memories and I'm trying to get them back," Allen said smiling softly. 'I wonder if the Earl remembers this kid,' Tyki thought as he stood. 'I'll have to ask him later.'

"Well good luck with that," Tyki said smiling as he stood.

"You're leaving?" Allen asked.

"I'll see you around," Tyki said ruffling Allen's hair lightly as he turned to walk away. "You should get inside before you get caught up in this storm."

Silver eyes followed the man down the street and around a corner before glancing at the sky, the first drops of rain breaking from their confinements. A single splash on a pale cheek then a couple drops into a forest of tousled white and the grey pavement speckles to black at the water's touch.

"_Mana?"_

_Widened silver eyes shone with fear, blood streaking down the left side of his face._

"Allen, you should head on home. The rain's going to get much worse before it gets better," the waitress at the port side diner called to Allen from the covered doorway. Allen cast a small smile her way, rain matting his white locks.

"_Mana…Mana…I'm sorry…" _

_A young boy sobbed into bloody hands, crimson liquid staining the purity and perfection of his porcelain skin. Shaking his head, snowy tresses swaying in the jerky movements as a scream of wordless agony ripped through him._

Allen trudged down the muddy road, silver eyes tarnished with his grief. That man, he'd met that man that everyone was so disgusted by. He'd met him and turned the one person to look at him with kindness into a demon. He'd been cursed for his treachery – the eye that bore the intricate red scar – to burn and to ache whenever he neared those creatures. He was an abomination, he'd wronged and subsequently killed his father and he had been justly punished.

'Ignorance is bliss,' Allen thought as he brushed damp white locks from his face. Glancing up at the pouring sky, cold crystal drops bombarded his pale cheeks – more and more pallid by the second. Allen was drowning in his despair.

"_There's no way you're a bad person. You're too soft to be anything less than pure." _

'To say such things without knowing me…what would you say now Kanda?' Allen stopped walking. The house was just a bit farther; he could see the roof over the hillcrest. 'I can't go back there,' Allen thought as he changed direction towards the shore. His heart was beating heavily, warm breath breaking the cold of the air in puffs of hazy white.

Allen felt his chest clench, it wouldn't be right to go back, to continue imposing upon their hospitality knowing what kind of person he was. "I'm so sorry," soft words fell from quivering lips as he stumbled down the muddy banks at the side of the road onto the sandy beach below – a few miles away from where he'd first met Kanda.

Knees buckled as silver eyes traced the stormy seas. He collapsed, head bowed, humbling himself before nature's wrath, the unrelenting waters spilling down upon him.

xXx

Kanda stared out at the dark stormy sky, he'd reached home about an hour ago and Allen wasn't there. Assuming the boy had gone to town and was just running a bit late Kanda busied himself with meditating. He tried to convince himself that he didn't care about Allen and that he wasn't worried, but before he knew it he found himself heading out to look for the pale boy.

"Moyashi!" Kanda called as he walked towards the town, rain soaking into his jacket and drenching his hair. He'd managed to walk all the way to town without crossing Allen on his way back home and wasn't too pleased by that fact.

"Have you seen a white haired boy around here?" Kanda asked the waitress at the diner.

"Allen went home early today, when the rain started," the waitress said as she cleared a table.

"How long ago was that?" Kanda asked feeling a bad feeling building in the pit of his stomach.

"Almost six hours ago," the waitress said. Kanda nodded his thanks before running back the way he'd come.

"Where the fuck is he?" Kanda growled in annoyance and worry as he walked the road back home, cobalt eyes scanning the roads carefully.

"Allen, where the hell are you?" Kanda yelled angrily against the biting storm. After about an hour of searching the normally stoic Japanese male began to fear the worst. 'Baka better not have gotten himself kidnapped' Kanda thought a she stared out at the sea from the rocks on the beach. Sighing Kanda turned to go back to the house and check if by chance the boy had returned home.

As Kanda turned he caught a glimpse of white further down the beach. Focusing on the object in the distance he felt relief wash over him as he took in the figure of a small body sitting on the sand.

"Oi!" Kanda called as he ran down the beach with maybe a bit too much zeal. The boy spared him no more than a soulless smile before tarnished silver stared out at the sea again.

"You little fucking brat don't ignore me!" Kanda yelled. "Do you have any idea the trouble you put me through looking for your ungrateful ass?"

Tears glistened in Allen's silver eyes, masked by the unforgiving rain. When Allen didn't respond, Kanda took in the scene trying to make sense of the situation.

Allen sat alone on the beach, drenched head to toe in the cold November rain, empty eyes staring out at the torrential waters with a well of despair and self loathing. The boy was trembling, and if Kanda had been anyone else he wouldn't have noticed the tears rolling down the tender cheeks amidst the rain. He looked completely resigned, as though he'd given up on everything in the world.

"Allen talk to me," Kanda said crouching beside the boy and pulling the shivering body into his arms.

"I'm not what you think…I can't stay with you anymore," Allen whispered, small voice lost amongst the rumbling skies and crashing waves.

"What the heck does that mean?" Kanda puzzled over what could have happened. Then, as though hit with an epiphany, a look of realization dawned on Kanda's face. "Did you meet that guy again?" Allen nodded, white locks brushing against Kanda's neck, causing shivers to shoot down the older male's spine.

"What did he tell you?" Kanda asked only to be met with silence. "Whatever it is I don't care, come back with me and we'll get you warmed up and talk about it." Allen shook his head, muffled sobs reaching Kanda's ears as he looked down at the bundle in his arms.

"You're going to get sick out here," Kanda muttered pulling Allen up with him as he stood.

"Kanda, just go ok," Allen said warm breath fanning over Kanda' skin, "please."

"I'm not leaving you out here, you're shaking like a fucking leaf," Kanda snapped trying to get Allen to walk with him.

"I deserve it," Allen said. "All the feelings I've remembered…they makes sense now."

"What the fuck are you talking about, you don't _deserve _to freeze to death in a storm," Kanda hugged the quivering boy tighter. "You're a good person Allen; I've seen it in you over the past month. There's nothing about you that would ever be deserving of such pain. Why can't you see that?"

"Stop it!" Allen yelled, violently pushing out of Kanda's arms. Wobbly legs fought for stability on the uneven sandy terrain only to loose footing and end up once again acquainted with the ground. Silver eyes shone with a myriad of conflicting emotions. "Stop lying to me! You don't know me. You have no idea what the heck I've done. I'm not a good person Kanda. I'm not the kind of person that people welcome openly into their homes," Allen's voice was strained as he raged alongside the tempest with bleeding animosity.

"You don't even know that," Kanda countered. "You have few memories of your past. One or two vague memories of cheating at poker and being pitched into fights do not define you."

"If not one or two, how about ten or twenty, how many does it take? My memories have been nothing but horrors one after the other, everything is a testament to how much of sin I am," Allen's hysterics slowly tapered to a close, having lost the will to even argue his case. "I should have just died out at sea."

"Don't fucking say that!" Kanda snapped angrily as he balled his hands into fists, clenched tightly at his sides.

"I probably had all my memories up until washing up on this beach," Allen said. "You know I've been wondering for a while, why if I had been tossed in a lifeboat was my first memory of nothing but water, panic and confusion. I finally figured it out though – I must have figured there was nothing else to loose, what with being how I am and my master being dead, and ditched the lifeboat hoping to drown." Kanda's eyes narrowed in anger and annoyance. 'Why can't he see the good everyone sees in him everyday?' the navy haired male wondered as he stared down at the miserable wreck before him.

"As it turns out, I couldn't even do that right," Allen's voice was hollow, reflecting the drafty spaces in his mind and heart.

"I don't regret meeting you Allen, not in the least," Kanda said crouching in front of the pale boy. "I don't know what it is you remembered or heard that got you all worked up but I know that whatever it is, my perceptions of you won't change."

"How can you say that?" Allen's head bowed, white bangs hiding glassy silver pools from view.

"_Yuu, tell the kid how you feel. A little bit of good news might cheer him up and get him out of this fixation with a past that's probably best left forgotten," Lavi said as Kanda was preparing to leave._

"_Mind your own damn business," Kanda growled, shooting a glare at the red head._

"Because no matter what happened in the past, I've seen who you are now," Kanda said feeling his face heat up ever the slightest amount at what he intended to say. "And that's the boy that I can't stop thinking about...the boy I've fallen for." Kanda placed a chaste kiss on the crown of Allen's head in emphasis of his statement.

Silver eyes widened in shock as Allen's whole body went stiff. 'There's no way…it's not possible…' Allen's mind was pitched into a state of utter disarray. Sure his thoughts had been muddled from his self-loathing but hearing such a thing from Kanda really sent him for a loop. That such a thing was possible baffled the cursed boy as he tried to make sense of his world as it spiraled out of control.

"Why are you doing this?" Allen looked up into the cobalt eyes of his savior piteously. He couldn't understand how Kanda could show such strength. Here they were: two men amidst a storm, two strangers who knew nothing about each other, two kindred spirits that seemed natural. 'You can't possibly trust someone you don't know anything about, let alone love them' Allen thought.

"I'm drawn to you," Kanda said simply.

"Why?" Allen asked childishly, shaking his head as if willing the answer to change, as if his denial would prompt the older male to snort mockingly at him, erasing the confession with sardonic cruelty – yet he knew not why he wished it to be as such.

"Maybe it was because of that night on the beach when I saw a lost boy whom I decided I wanted to protect," Kanda said. "Maybe it's the infuriating way you think of everyone's wellbeing but your own." Allen tensed at the words, he didn't do it because he wanted to, it was just habitual as if such thoughts had been programmed into his body – he was no self-sacrificing naïve brat. He knew too well the harsh realities that lay before him and had chosen to hide behind the mask that was eternally affixed to his features.

"Maybe it's the way you can light up a room of gloomy faces with a single smile, even though it has no real bearing," Kanda continued. "Or maybe it's the way you sit in the bay window, staring out at the sea for answers."

"I-" Allen's voice caught in his throat, unsure of how to deal with these raw emotions that were ramming against his shields.

"Just maybe, it's simply because of you and everything I _know_ you are underneath that smiling façade," Kanda said offering his hand to Allen. Silver eyes stared wearily at the appendage and tentatively extended his own hand to meet Kanda's calloused one.

"You'll change your mind," Allen said as he was pulled to his feet, not looking up to where he knew questioning cobalt eyes would be staring down at him. "When we talk, you'll come to your senses and kick me out."

"I won-" Allen pulled Kanda closer through their intertwined hands.

"Please don't feed me promises and hopes," Allen said, "those things burn the most when they're taken away." Kanda stared in silence at the young boy beside him before leading him back to the house. This was serious, the boy had fits of insecurity before but those were nothing in comparison and were cured by simply being held until he fell asleep. However, this time Kanda was walking thin ice, he'd have to be very careful if he wanted Allen to stay.

The house felt cold to Allen when it was empty, after all a house is only a home if there are people to make it so. Allen was silent as he allowed Kanda to lead him up to the bathroom where the older male ran a hot bath.

"Warm up, I'll bring your pajamas," Kanda said, reluctant to leave Allen alone for fear that the white haired boy wouldn't be there when he got back. Allen stared at the closed door then at the steaming water with a fondness at the familiarity of the situation. Body racked with shivers, Allen slid down against the sink, arms wrapping around himself. He was chilled right through to his bones but he had no wish to venture into the warm water – it promised security and comfort, things that seemed much too inappropriate.

Kanda returned to see the nothing but water in the tub and Allen curled with his knees to his chest, hugging himself, still fully clothed and crying a steady stream.

"Allen," Kanda said as he placed the small bundle of clothes on the edge of the sink. "Was the water too hot?" A light mirthless laugh reached his ears as Allen shook his head.

"Then the reason you're sitting here shivering would be?" Kanda asked.

"It's familiar and somehow soothing," Allen said.

"Stand up," Kanda said. The pale boy did as instructed, almost slipping as he used the sink to support himself. Allen stiffened as Kanda pressed him back against the sink, calloused fingers tracing his jaw before pulling the ribbon loose and undoing the buttons of Allen's shirt.

"What are you-" Allen was cut off by soft lips pressing against his own. Kanda slid the shirt from Allen's shoulder pausing as crimson skin came into view.

"God, what happened?" Kanda asked as he traced the edge of the burn. Allen shook his head trying to pull the shirt back up. "The fire on the ship? Is that when this happened? Allen, talk to me damn it!"

"Maybe…I'm not sure," Allen said when Kanda's grip on him tightened. "What does it matter. It happened because I deserved it." Kanda frowned as he stripped the shirt off, leaving Allen's upper body bare. Allen shifted uneasily as Kanda stroked his fingers over the rough rust skin.

"Take off your pants and get in the water," Kanda said releasing Allen.

"You're still soaked, stop worrying about me and take care of yourself," Allen said gaze falling to the ground. Cobalt eyes narrowed and without hesitation Kanda pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor with a wet splat before making to undo the button on his pants. Allen's eyes widened as he spun to face the wall, pale skin flushed red in embarrassment.

Allen felt an uncomfortable heat pooling within him as the sound of displacing water shattered through his muddled senses. Kanda's eyes never left Allen as he soaked in the water, heat seeping into his chilled limbs. 'What the hell am I doing?' Kanda berated himself for his audacious acts.

"_Master, must we stop in all these brothels?"_

"_Shut up, we're doing valuable research here."_

_A young and agitated white haired boy heaved a sigh as he was left at a table with a glass of amber liquid in front of him as his master walked off to the back rooms, arms slung around the shoulders of two fawning women._

"_One day you'll understand brat."_

'What the hell was that?' Allen shook the strange thoughts from his mind as stared blankly at the tiled walls, pants tightening. The sound of water shifting and damp feet touching on the floors caught Allen's attention.

"Allen," Kanda said, warm hands drifting over Allen's shoulders, causing the boy to shiver, "it's your turn." Allen was frozen in his spot, body still trembling and mind swirling hazily.

"Go," Allen whispered breathily, "please."

"I'll be waiting for you in the hall, get warmed up and get changed," Kanda said, warm breath splaying against Allen's flushed cheek and neck. The navy haired male stepped out into the hall leaving Allen alone, trembling with cold and a fire building within him.

Shakily Allen threaded his fingers through his hair as he tried to calm his racing heart before dropping his pants and stepping into the warm water. The heat slowly crept through him, fighting back the chill from having been drenched by the November rain. 'He'll hate me, there's no use hoping for what's impossible,' Allen thought as a shiver, unrelated to the cold ran up his spine, 'yet my body can't help but yearn for him.'

xXx

Silver eyes met cobalt as a lithe body emerged from the steamy bathroom. Kanda's eyes raked over Allen and gestured for the boy to follow him. Instead of going to the guest room as Allen had assumed, he was taken into Kanda's room. It was dark unlike his, with billowy blue curtains strewn about the windows and white fringed navy sheets on the bed.

"We're going to have a long chat about what happened today," Kanda said as he held out a cup of steaming liquid to Allen. Pale fingers wrapped around the mug, drinking in the heat that spilled from its ceramic circumference.

"Thank you," Allen whispered as he took a sip of the sweet milky liquid, a small smile spreading across his face. Kanda's expression softened as he took in the overly fragile creature that Allen appeared to be.

"What did that man tell you at the port?" Kanda asked. Allen was silent, staring into the cloudy caramel colored liquid. "Allen, for this to work you have to sp-"

"I met the Earl when I was younger," Allen's voice strained to remain calm. Kanda's eyes narrowed and his posture stiffened as he silently waited for the pale boy to continue. "He…I killed my father and he cursed me. The only person who ever bothered to look at me, I'd wronged to the highest degree." Silence passed between the two, Kanda unsure of how to respond to something like that and Allen waiting to be kicked out. When nothing happened, Allen's grip on the mug tightened and his head bowed further so that his bangs shaded his eyes.

"Can you still say that you don't care about what I've done?" Allen asked. "Could you ever love a person who's committed such grievous sins?"

"Everyone makes mistakes," Kanda said. "I hardly think that one bad choice is enough to condemn you for life. You've been nothing but an angel since you've gotten here."

"Because I'm desperate to fit in…to be smiled at…for people not to hate me," Allen said. "I didn't remember, but my body did. My body and mind habitually fell into a rut of pleasantries, lies and deception…it was how I'd lived my life since that incident."

"I've seen that mask Allen. I'm not so dense as to not have noticed that the look in your eyes never seems to match the smile you wear on your face," Kanda said, "and you're a fool if you think you're the only one who puts up a front to get through the day."

"I killed someone Kanda," Allen said voice rife with pain. "Doesn't that mean anything to you? You should be kicking me out or something," a small laugh, empty and cold.

"He must have been very important to you, for the Earl to show up," Kanda said as he gently tilted Allen's face up, thumbing away the tears streaking down pale cheeks. "It must have been hard to watch him die and then have to kill him after you'd gotten him back. And you blame yourself for everything," Kanda paused, looking into the shimmering silver pools before him.

"You're foolish but you don't deserve anything that you think you do," Kanda said. "It was unfortunate you had to meet the Earl but none of it was your fault."

"But there must be something wrong with me," Allen mumbled pulling away from Kanda. The navy haired man frowned, 'how much can this kid berate himself for something he had no control over.'

"I may not have all my memories but I know enough to know that something is seriously wrong with me. Mana polished me until I was a perfect actor, I can't tell whether what I feel or think is real or fake," Allen said. "I'm a murder, a thief, a liar and a cheater…tell me again how nothing is my fault and that I'm a good person."

"You forgot stubborn and a pain in the ass," Kanda said, "but I already told you that none of that matters to me. The boy I've come to know is very real and he may be a Baka Moyashi, but he's beautiful and pure."

"It hurts…" Allen whispered, "the reckless passion in your voice, I don't know why but it just hurts."

"Is that everything that happened today?" Kanda asked a light dusting of pink on his cheeks at Allen's previous statement.

"The ship was carrying a power source of some sort to England," Allen said. "Apparently it was very important to him but the Order was trying to commandeer it and he rather it be destroyed than fall into the hands of his enemies."

"You should stop dredging up such things, they serve to do nothing but upset and confuse you," Kanda said ruffling Allen's soft white hair affectionately. Allen pouted at the childish treatment but nodded just the same. Kanda didn't have to know; now it was just to sate Allen's curiosity.

"Climb in," Kanda gestured to the bed while taking the empty mug from Allen's hands. Silver eyes looked up at him in question and a small smirk drew up the corners of his mouth. "You don't think I'd let you out of my sight after the stunt you pulled today did you?"

Allen's face flushed but crawled under the sheets just the same. Kanda slid in next to the pale boy, pulling Allen into his arms, head resting against his chest and arms draped around him protectively.

"Sleep well Moyashi," Kanda whispered into Allen's hair before closing his eyes.

xXx

Allen woke to the steady beating of Kanda's heart, it was a soothing sound if nothing else – strong and consistent. Allen sighed as his stomach clenched painfully, alerting him to the fact that he'd missed dinner last night because of his breakdown and that Kanda would also be hungry when he woke up. Carefully sliding out of Kanda's arms and subsequently the bed and the room Allen spared a last glance at the sleeping male before closing the door.

'I'll make breakfast and then wake him up,' Allen thought as he made his way down to the kitchen.

xXx

Cobalt eyes snapped open, frantically searching the room for the white haired enigma only to find that the boy wasn't there. Two things ran through Kanda's mind as he abruptly sat in the bed, sheets being flung from his body. The first, _oh shit_ and the second, _I'll fucking kill him._ Kanda wasn't confident that he'd managed to convince Allen that he belonged here, sure the boy calmed down enough to sleep but he had been wound so tightly and all those thoughts and worries wouldn't just disappear.

Needless to say it was quite the shock when Kanda ran down the stairs to see Allen setting the table. Hair slightly mussed from sleep and expression calm. He had a dusting of flour on his cheek and his pajama sleeves had been rolled up. The table was neat with a traditional Japanese breakfast laid out. After setting down the bowls of miso soup, Allen disappeared into the kitchen returning with a tea pot and two cups.

Seemingly satisfied with his work Allen turned to see Kanda standing in the doorway. Instantly a smile bloomed across his features.

"Good Morning Kanda," Allen beamed.

"Morning Moyashi," Kanda replied as a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. Pink tinted his pale cheeks and Allen abruptly turned and slid back into the kitchen. 'Damn it,' Allen thought as he rolled down his sleeves, hiding the disfigured skin from view.

"It doesn't bother me," Kanda said as he walked up to Allen, embracing him from behind. "Every part of you is beautiful." Allen's flushed red from ear to ear as Kanda brushed away the flour from his skin.

"Breakfast!" Allen yelped as he turned and headed back into the other room. Kanda felt the beginnings of a chuckle rumbling deep within him as he followed the flustered boy to the table. The navy haired male took a seat across from Allen, a smug expression on his face from having been able to evoke such a reaction in Allen.

xXx

"I met the most interesting boy; I believe you know him," Tyki said as he took a seat at the table. The oaken wood stretched at the centre of the room, six occupants seated around it.

"Who is it Tyki?" Road asked smile broadening. "Can I play with him?"

"He doesn't remember much but he said his name is Allen," Tyki said taking in the eerie grin that spread across the Earl's face.

"Do you know him?" Road asked, eyes taking in the unnatural glint of vengeful amusement in his expression.

"Yes, he _is_ an interesting one," the Earl said. "He was being trained to become part of the Order. Tyki how bad are his memories?"

"He doesn't even know who he is," Tyki said, "kid's been asking questions about the sinking of _Noah's Ark_ down at the port town I was in earlier."

"He could be useful to us," the Earl said.

"Can I go?" Road asked.

"Yes dear, see if you can't convince him to join us," the Earl said deviously. Road grinned happily as she ate her meal, thinking of all the ways she could use her talents to bend Allen to her will.

'Sorry kid, you need to choose your friends more carefully,' Tyki thought feeling only a small tug of remorse for anything that might happen to Allen because of him.

xXx

A week later found Allen once again at the port. He was simply sitting on the docks, looking out at the water and the ships docking and casting off. He felt familiarity in the situation, the salty sea air and the cold and clear azure skies melting into the sapphire seas. Kanda had told Allen to stay home unless he had company but Allen didn't want to stay in the house all alone.

'He can't get mad at me if he doesn't know I left,' Allen thought sighing as the bright sunlight reflected in his silver eyes. Kanda had reluctantly gone away on a two day mission and wouldn't be returning until around mid-day the following day. 'I wonder what he does,' Allen thought as he pondered over where Kanda worked and what his profession could be.

'Tiedoll is an artist but he's the only one whose profession I actually know,' Allen thought. 'Marie had to get information about a job with that lady, Miranda –she's nice but her self-esteem could use a boost – maybe he's some sort of business man, that would explain the out of the country meeting.' Allen laughed lightly at the thought of the tall silent male in a suit at some sort of high class meeting.

'Daisya's always practicing soccer so maybe he's a professional player…not that I'd know either way. He's really good from what I can tell,' Allen tried to think of anything else the eccentric male could be and grinned as he remembered how Kanda always referred to the male as _jester,_ 'maybe he really is a jester, it sure would explain some of that stuff in his room.'

"I really have no idea what Kanda might do though," Allen mumbled softly. 'He likes his sword and trains with it every morning, but what kind of job would require extensive sword use? Lavi also seems to be a part of his work; he never really talks about it' Allen thought 'whatever it is that they do, it must be really prestigious if they're all out of the country. If it was a regular job then they'd probably be coming home in the evening and leaving in the morning or something, unless they're like master…he moved around a lot for work.'

Allen frowned as his expression leveled out, 'that's right, master and I would travel around everywhere for work, but what work was it exactly…something that caused the Earl a lot of trouble…were we part of that Order thing?' Allen thought gaze drifting over the ripples breaking against the jetty. 'What is the Order anyway?'

"Allen, is that you?" a female voice broke Allen from his ponderings as he turned to see a pale woman of what appeared to be Chinese origins, with short locks of hair framing her porcelain face and a long tail of hair reaching just past her waist. Warm hazel eyes met his, twinkling with familiarity. A faded blue top hung from her upper arms, wrinkling gently as she waved.

"Allen, it's been so long, how are you?" Anita asked hugging the boy as he stood.

"I'm sorry," Allen said tilting his head to the side. "You know who I am?"

"Of course I know you, it's only been a couple of years and you haven't changed much," Anita laughed. "Where is Cross?" her eyes scanned the area, "did he leave you alone again?"

"Are you sure you know me?" Allen asked wondering just who this Cross was though he got a dreadful feeling that he'd be hit for asking something like that.

"_Don't fucking play with us boy, we know he's your old man."_

"_He said you'd pay of his debts so get to work!"_

_Silver eyes shone with fear as a young white haired boy nodded and allowed himself to be dragged away to do whatever he had to in order to clear the debt that had been dumped upon him. _

"Allen, what is it?" Anita asked, concern filling her voice after realizing that it hadn't been a joke.

"A couple months ago a ship I was on sank and I washed up on a beach in this town with little memory of my past," Allen said. "The memories I do have are rather broken and don't match up properly, so you'll have to excuse me, I don't recognize you," Allen was apologetic and sad as he spoke.

"God no, you poor boy," Anita gasped. "Was Cross with you?"

"Who is Cross?" Allen asked. Anita gave Allen a sympathetic look before gesturing for the boy to walk with her.

"You called him Master, you both stayed with me for several months a couple years ago," Anita sighed not sure of how to explain.

"Is he the man with red hair and the white mask?" Allen asked hopefully.

"Yes, do you remember him?" Anita asked.

"Only somewhat, I have vague memories of him yelling at me and tossing me into a lifeboat," Allen said smiling – at this point in time he found the whole thing quite humorous after having relayed the information so many times.

"Come, let's talk in my cabin," Anita said taking Allen's gloved hand in her own, leading him aboard an elaborate ship.

"Allen, a pleasure to see you again," Mahoja said. Silver eyes studied the tall rather muscular woman before him trying to remember her. It was to no avail however; as he could no sooner recognize the clean shaved head, the tan skin or the maroon halter with the grey fur lined vest she sported.

"I'm sorry," Allen said looking rather crestfallen.

"Don't worry about it dear," Anita said squeezing his hand reassuringly. "Mahoja there was an accident and he doesn't remember much," Anita offered a quick explanation before continuing into her quarters with Allen.

Anita had Allen sit down and took in the fact that his gaze kept returning to the large glass panes and the seas beyond the clear aqueous substance.

"Can you tell me who I am?" Allen asked gaze not drifting from the window.

"Even when you were with Cross, you were a mystery to me," Anita said. "You were the little boy being dragged around the world on Cross's self appointed missions. He'd leave you on occasion to pay off his debts and then have you catch up with him wherever he was. You were always cheerful, doing everything you were instructed to perfection." Anita paused as Allen looked at her, eyes reflecting the soft amber glow of the lights.

"There's quite a bit I can tell you about Cross and your time with me but I'm afraid that I don't really know who _you_ are," Anita said.

"Was my master a good man?" Allen asked.

"Of course," Anita said a soft smile lighting her face. "Cross may have some shady tendencies and wrack up debts like there's no tomorrow but that's just the kind of person he is. He enjoys life to the fullest and he doesn't follow orders well. Even so he's got a heart under the vanity and the brash manner of speaking."

"I don't understand," Allen said cocking his head to the side. "You say all these things that are clearly distasteful traits and yet you say he's a good person."

"People are all flawed dear, some more than others but that doesn't make them bad," Anita said eyes studying Allen's wavering expression.

"But some of them are bad right?" Allen asked. "Because they've done unforgiveable things."

"What are you getting at?" Anita asked.

"Am I a bad person?" Allen asked.

"Heavens no," Anita exclaimed as though appalled at the idea. "Why would you think that?" Allen was silent as he looked down somewhat shamefully. "Allen?"

"I'm sorry," Allen smiled; the previous expression vanished as if it had never been. "I was just asking, no real reason." Anita's gaze softened with pity as she pulled Allen into a loose embrace.

"You're a very good person Allen," Anita said.

"How do you know?" Allen asked.

"Because of your guilt and humility," Anita said. "A bad person doesn't humble themselves before anyone and they do not show remorse for their grievances." Allen perked up at this, silver eyes shimmering with hope at the first viable reason for why he was believed to be a good person. Kanda's words were sweet ideas but they were subjective and for a person striving to discover who they are such ideals are little more than cursory.

"Thank you," Allen said returning the embrace as a warm feeling blossomed in his chest.

"You're more than welcome," Anita smiled. "I can't even imagine what it must be like for you, where are you staying?"

"These nice people took me in when I washed up on their beach," Allen said blushing lightly. Anita laughed a sound of jingling bells, at the adorable expression to cross Allen's face.

"If you would like you could come with us when we leave port," Anita said. "I've actually been searching for Cross. This girl I talked to inspired me to go and seek my love instead of waiting for him to return to me."

"You and my master…" Allen's eyes widened a fraction.

"Don't look so surprised," Anita laughed again lightly. Allen bowed a quick apology before looking back up at the spirited woman.

"I can really come?" Allen asked.

"Of course, you're important to me too," Anita winked, "you might even feel more comfortable with people you know and your memory might get spurred. It also beats sitting around on the docks staring out at the sea." Allen was quiet as his gaze drifted towards the window and the churning indigo waters.

"That look in your eyes tells me you've been yearning for the sea but you've also grown attached to these people you're living with," Anita said. "You don't have to decide now; we don't leave for another two days."

"Is it wrong of me to want to stay with them?" Allen asked.

"No, it might be your chance to start over, without all the hustling around and the fighting and the missions," Anita said smiling. "If you ask me a young boy such as yourself really shouldn't be involved in such things."

"Missions? Fighting?" Allen queried.

"With Cross, you were his apprentice," Anita said.

"What did my master do?" Allen asked.

"He's a general of the Order, though he doesn't act like it a lot of the time," Anita said, "he stopped communicating with them for several years."

"Please tell me about the Order," Allen said turning abruptly to meet her gaze.

"I don't know much about it but they are a faction opposed to the Earl and they receive their orders from the Vatican," Anita said racking her brains for any information she could recall about the illusive group.

"Does that mean I am one of these people too?" Allen asked fearing the answer.

"No, as far as I am aware you had never gone to their headquarters, wherever that may be. Like I've said, Cross isn't fond of taking orders so I don't think he'd have taken you there," Anita said.

"Miss Anita is th-" Allen was cut off when the door opened and Mahoja came in.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but the men have some questions for you," Mahoja said.

"I'll be right out," Anita said before turning back to Allen. "What was it you were going to say?"

"It's nothing, I should be going now," Allen said bowing, "thank you for everything."

"Remember, we don't leave for another two days, we'll be in port here until noon," Anita said as Allen walked to the door. "You're more than welcome to come with us if that's what you choose."

"Thank you," Allen said again before leaving.

'What should I do?' Allen wondered as he walked along the docks. 'I have someone who actually knows me, and she's looking for Master. This has been the best break I've gotten so far so why am I hesitating?'

Delicate silver brows furrowed as Allen struggled with the choice of whether to seek the answers that await him across the sea or to remain with the family he'd somehow become a part of. Frustrated Allen stopped in a small alcove between the docks and the main road back home. A stone wall bordered the town and grassy banks were fringed by the dusty road on one side and the crystal waters on the other.

Lying back in the grass Allen inhaled the scent of dew and sea breeze wafting across the water.

"_A home is the only thing anyone ever needs."_

"_That's because a home keeps you dry and warm."_

_A very young boy grinned as he sat in a taller man's lap, top hat resting on the table to the side._

"_No son, you're talking about a house or a shelter."_

"_What's the difference?"_

_Soft silver brows furrowed as dusty pink lips pursed in thought._

"_A shelter is material, easily coming and going. But a home is where the people you love are, and no one can take that away from you."_

"_Then you're my home."_

_The small boy smiled as he snuggled into the man's arms._

"_That's right Allen, and you're my home too." _

'Kanda, is he my home? Is Miss Anita my home?' Allen wondered 'is it wrong to want it all?'

xXx

"Hello there, you're the boy that's been trying to piece together your past, Allen right?" Road asked leaning over Allen as he stared up at the cerulean sky. Allen sat up abruptly, startled at the girl's presence and familiarity with his situation. Silver eyes met honeyed amber ones; the girl wore a countenance of melancholy – dark doll-like attire with spiky black hair and a rather out of place pink umbrella in her hand.

"Um yes," Allen replied hesitantly.

"Wow you're cute," Road said eyes shining a strange emotion that Allen could not place, as she balanced on the stone wall, bending forward to stare directly at Allen from naught but an inch away. Allen flushed pink and scrambled backwards to put some distance between himself and the strange girl.

"Who are you?" Allen asked.

"I'm Road Kamelot, it's truly a pleasure to meet you Allen," Road said grinning as she straightened, twirling her umbrella wistfully in the air.

"Likewise I'm sure," Allen said smiling nervously.

"Will you play with me?" Road asked. "If you do I'll tell you about your past, the one you're just _dying_ to remember."

"Do you know me?" Allen asked, silver eyes following the strange girl wearily as he stood.

"Yep," Road said grinning as she hopped from the wall, landing in front of Allen gracefully.

"What's the game?" Allen asked. Road's smile widened, aura darkening as undertones of sadistic tendencies lit her expression.

xXx

"Your mind really is a mess," laughter resounded through the recesses of Allen's mind.

"What is this? Who's there?" Allen turned about in the street of the white city.

"The game is simple," Road said, "all these rooms contain memories that you have yet to unlock, except one that is. I'm in that single room. Find me and the game is over."

"Am I dreaming?" Allen asked only to be met with silence. 'This is too easy,' Road thought laughing as she watched Allen walk down the white cobble stone paths an apprehensive look in his silver eyes.

"I guess this door is as good as any," Allen thought as he pushed open a white door set in the ivory alabaster stone.

"_You bastard, get the hell out of my sight!"_

"_But I-"_

_An amber bottle smashed against the wall behind a cowering white haired boy._

"_Didn't you hear me runt? I said to get out!"_

_Pale fingers grasped at tattered clothing before stumbling out into the howling winter storm._

Allen stumbled backwards as he slammed the door shut. 'That can't be one of my memories' Allen thought, eyes wide as he shook his head. 'What had I been doing? Why was I there? Who was that man?"

"Wrong door, try again!" Road's overly joyous voice reached his ears as laughter vibrated between the city streets. Allen shuddered, his skin crawling from the sardonic sound. Pale fingers grasped the handle of the adjacent door, cautiously pushing it open to venture inside.

"_That thing is no longer your friend Allen, if you don't kill it you'll die."_

"_No!"_

_Teary silver eyes stared at the maliciously grinning boy he'd known for the past few months._

"_Allen we're friends right? Don't worry I'll take care of you."_

"_Narein."_

_The white haired boy gasped in pain as a hand flew up to his left eye. _

"_Does it hurt? I can take a look at it for you."_

"_Kill it Allen!"_

_Wide silver eyes stared at his master standing a few feet away._

"_Kill me Allen, just like you killed Mana!"_

"_No, stop!" _

_Tears streamed from hazy chrome eyes as the pale boy turned to run away._

"_Don't run away brat! Look at it!"_

_The pale boy froze, hands trembling. _

"_You won't hurt me. You love me don't you Allen?"_

"_Narein…stop…please…"_

"_Look at me Allen!"_

_A scream pierced the air followed by a wail of agony as the monster masquerading as Narein collapsed. An incessant stream of tears flowed from glassy silver eyes as the pale boy was hauled over his master's shoulder, forcefully being removed from the scene._

"_You did good kid."_

"What the hell I am?" Allen stepped out of the room head down.

"Oops wrong again," Road laughed, "let's see what we have behind door number three Allen." Allen felt bile rise in his throat at the joy in the girl's voice. Opening the next door Allen peered in, heart almost stopping in fear as he took in the bloody scene. Bodies lying in scattered piles whilst a younger version of himself stood amongst it all, crimson dripping from his hands, face streaked with the life liquid.

"_Master I don't want to do this anymore…"_

_The boy's voice was dull, lacking its normal lightness, his master being nowhere in the entire dreary scene. There were no tears in the lifeless silver eyes and there was no flush on the eerily pale skin._

"_I don't want to…they always die…"_

"_Monster! Murderer!" _

_A scream of repulsed horror met the boy in his misery as he spared the girl a glance. Warm turquoise eyes met his with nothing but abhorrence and he felt the familiar tug of self-loathing as he walked towards the girl, left eye still burning._

"_No don't come any closer!" _

_Her cries drew some attention from those passing by on the bridge to their left. Several people rushing towards the area. _

"_I'm sorry."_

"_Don't touch me!" _

_Then she was silenced as her body fell amongst the others._

"_The boy just killed that little girl."_

"_Monster."_

"_Demon."_

"_Call the authorities!"_

"_Lock him up."_

_Loud and raucous yells hit against the pale boy as he walked away, disappearing from the area leaving the horrid scene behind, though it would haunt him like all the others. _

"_If only it were that simple."_

"No more," Allen said as he pushed the door closed. "I don't want to play this game anymore."

"That's just too bad, you can't get out of here until you find me," Road called cheerfully.

"I don't want to see anymore of this," Allen said, hands balling into fists at his sides.

"You wanted to know," Road said her voice laced with sugar coated venom. "Let's see what lies behind door number four." As if on cue the next door swung open. Reluctantly Allen gazed passed his bangs towards the open doorway.

"_Don't be sorry for me, the Earl gave my mother back to me."_

"_It's not your mother."_

_Pale fingers constricted around the tan neck of the struggling akuma before him_

"_No! You wouldn't understand; you couldn't possibly understand how much she means to me. I have no one else!"_

_A soft empathetic smile was all Allen offered before a snap was heard and the corpse ceased its movement, being dropped to the ground. _

"_The Earl is a good man, you're the bad one! Give my mother back to me!"_

"Guess that one was a bust as well, too bad, on to the next then," Road said in a sing-song voice that elicited the beginnings of a churning nausea within the cursed male.

"_I'm sorry but that thing was no longer your fiancé."_

"_Liar! It was Christine!"_

_Silver eyes reflected the fatigue of too many deaths the young boy bore as his burden._

"_The Earl tricked you, she wasn't-"_

"_No one asked for your damn help! Everything was fine until you showed up! Why couldn't you just leave us alone?"_

"Wow you're horrible at this game," Road laughed, "looks like you're past wasn't all candies and rainbows. The Earl even gets more thanks than you do."

"He's a monster," Allen muttered before he could stop himself.

"And you're not?" Road asked with such pleasure that Allen could hear the grin in her voice.

"_We do what has to be done. It's not fun and it's not pretty but it's our job."_

"_But master, why do people hate us?"_

"_They are drowned in their grief and no longer are in their right mind. They can't understand what they don't want to believe. With no way to explain the feelings they harbor they blame us."_

"_They hate us because it's easier than dealing with the pain?"_

"_That's right. Now shut up and get some sleep."_

"_Master have you ever been so overcome by sadness that you've seen the Earl?"_

"_I'm not a weakling like you. Now shut up before I make you."_

"Hmm that master of yours is quite the slave driver," Road said. "How do you think he would have shut you up?"

"He'd have hit me with a hammer," Allen muttered absentmindedly.

"Oh, you're starting to remember for yourself now," Road exclaimed. "How fun!"

'How can I not in the place where all my memories are?' Allen thought dully.

"_Master, why don't we ever go to your headquarters?"_

"_I'm not going back there."_

_The _answer_ was simple but explained nothing. Brows furrowed and lips pursed the pale boy glared at the red haired man._

"_Don't look at me like that brat!"_

"_You take orders from them don't you, shouldn't you be reporting back every once in a while."_

_A gun was pointed at the white haired boy as his eyes widened._

"_I don't take orders from anyone, now drop the damn subject."_

"_I think I deserve to know."_

_A shot rang out, shattering the stillness of the park. Wide silver eyes stared at the gun beside his head, hands clasped over his ears from the loud sound._

"_Time to go brat."_

"The Earl would probably be a better employer," Road said noting the shock that registered on Allen's face. 'He saved me on the ship yet he'd rather shoot my head off than answer a simple question? I don't understand" Allen thought, heart clenching.

"_The damn Vatican, think they're so smart and shit."_

_A pale boy watched in mild fascination as his master drawled on in a drunken stupor._

"_You know, they're bloody retards, every last one of them. They don't see the other side to this war they got going with the Earl."_

"_Another side?"_

"_Yeah, you think I'm stupid or something to not have noticed?"_

_Haughty laughter shook the older man as he tossed an empty glass to the floor, crimson ambrosia licking the ground and hanging from the fragmented glass._

"_Them God fearing idiots are fighting pointlessly, the way they're going its not going to have an end – just deaths and casualties piling up on both sides."_

"_Then why are you a part of it?"_

"_People like us are the ones, who've got the responsibility to put a wrench in the clockworks, raise the casualty count, bear burdens and shine a light into their blind eyes."_

"_I don't understand."_

"_I don't suppose you would. More wine!"_

_Dusty pink lips turned down in a frown as pale hands tipped the bottle, incarnadine liquid sloshing into the glass on the table._

"_Kid you're the precious Lamb of God, destined to be sacrificed no matter where you stand."_

_Eyes widened…bottle slipping from trembling fingers…a crash…more spilled liquid…and laughter._

"So that's how it is," Allen's voice wavered as he staggered down the white stone streets and up a set of marble stairs.

"Where are you going?" Road asked.

"Doesn't matter where I go, if this is a dream then I might as well never wake up and if this isn't a dream then I'm lost whatever the case," Allen said.

"Aww, did the poor little lamb loose his way?" Road mocked.

"You know that's not possible right? You know that I've never _had_ away, and you know that you can't loose something that you never had to begin with," Allen said. "Is that why all my memories hurt? Because I'm the sheep for slaughter?"

"Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!" Road laughed as Allen pushed open the door at the highest point of the city, the elaborately decorated, lonely door at the centre of everything.

"It's over?" Allen asked.

"If you're going to be a sacrifice either way, you might as well do it for the man that doesn't hide behind guises and makes people happy if only for a brief moment before they too are slaughtered," Road said. "Find the Earl or find your dead master, which is more realistic?"

Allen said nothing, he knew very well what was more realistic and he also knew that he could no longer pretend that life was peachy and continue living with the people he'd come to consider home. No matter what the circumstances, no matter where he was and no matter how much he tried to deny it, trouble would find him and when it did, his new family would be the ones to suffer.

"We'll be waiting for you Allen," Road said before fading away amidst the waves of images that flowed through him, faces that haunted him, bloody massacres that made his heart clench and dreary hollow remnants of broken homes.

"_Open your eyes!"_

xXx

Allen awoke with a start, head spinning and heart beating erratically. The room was dark and he briefly wondered when and how he got back to the house. The last thing he remembered before the dream had been when he was talking to that strange girl. She had asked him to play a game and then everything after that was a void of black.

Stumbling from the bed he ran out of the room and tripped down the stairs in his haste. It was still dark, meaning everyone who was home were probably still asleep. Having been just heading out to train Kanda heard the noise and back tracked into the hall in time to see Allen dash out the side door.

"Oi, where the heck do you think you're going?" Kanda ran over and turned Allen to face him, immediately concerned with the panic stricken look on the boy's features.

"Let go of me!" Allen said desperately as he struggled in Kanda's hold.

"What's wrong?" Kanda's grip tightened.

"Let go, let go, let go, I have to go, I can't stay here," Allen said twisting and shifting in attempts to break from the older male's hold. Kanda pulled Allen against him, arms wrapped around him securely.

"Allen, calm the fuck down!" Kanda said. Tears were streaming from dilated silver eyes as Allen struggled, fighting with bruising force.

'I have to get out of here…I have to go…I…' Allen thought as the images from his dream played in his head – a morbid unending film reel. Allen's knee instinctively came up, slamming into Kanda's crotch. A groan of pain as arms loosened and Allen stumbled awkwardly from him, apology in his silver eyes before running off leaving Kanda recovering from the shock and pain.

xXx

"Miss Anita!" Allen called as he ran down the dock to the ship. By the time he reached the port the sun had begun to rise and few people roamed the streets, setting up shop for the day.

"Allen what is it dear?" Anita asked startled by the urgency in his voice.

"I'm coming with you," Allen huffed between words.

"You didn't have to run to get here, it's only morning and we don't leave until noon," Anita said.

"I'm sorry I was just so excited," a smile bloomed on Allen's features.

"Excited are you?" Anita asked skeptically. "Are you sure you want to leave everything here behind?"

"There's nothing here," Allen lied smoothly.

"Not even those people you've been living with?" Anita pressed.

"This is their life, not mine," Allen said. "I'm sure there are responsibilities I have that shouldn't be neglected and the only way I'm going to find out what they are is to get away from this place."

"Well if you're sure," Anita said carefully studying Allen's expression only to realize that he had become as unreadable as he had been when he'd visited with Cross.

xXx

"Oi Moyashi!" Kanda called as he stormed around the docks. "Allen if you don't show yourself right now I'm going to tear this fucking place apart until I find you!"

"Kanda," Allen gasped as he quickly hid behind Mahoja.

"Allen do you know him?" Anita asked the hiding boy to which he nodded.

"Has anyone seen a kid with white hair?" Kanda asked, being met with shrugs and apologies that no one has seen this kid.

"He seems to really want to see you Allen. Why are you hiding?" Anita asked.

"I can't talk to him now," Allen whispered.

"If not now, when? There's a good chance that you may never see him again," Anita said, "are you alright with that?"

"I…" Allen trailed off into a sigh. Anita shook her head and walked to the port side of her ship.

"What are you-" Allen was cut off as he heard the Chinese woman begin to speak.

"Excuse me," Anita called, drawing Kanda's attention.

"No Miss Anita, please don't," Allen whispered urgently.

"What do you want with this white haired boy?" Anita asked.

"I don't see what business it is of yours," Kanda growled.

"That's hardly the attitude to take with someone you want something from," Anita smiled.

"Do you know where he is?" Kanda asked.

"That depends on what you want with him," Anita said.

"I want to know where he ran off to and why he left in such a panic this morning," Kanda said. 'And why he couldn't talk to me about it,' he amended in his mind.

"Are you the boy he's been living with?" Anita asked.

"Yes, now do you know where he is or not?" Kanda asked impatiently.

"Allen dear, you should talk to him, he seems really worried about you," Anita said glancing to where the white haired boy was hiding behind Mahoja.

"Moyashi, you little brat were there the whole fucking time!" Kanda stormed aboard the ship, eyes narrowed in anger.

"Kanda, what are you doing here?" Allen cringed at the harsh tone.

"What am I doing here?" Kanda asked incredulously. "What the fuck do you think I'm doing here?" Allen clenched his eyes shut as the older male approached him, bracing himself for the worst, which came in the form of two warm arms embracing him tightly. "Do you have any idea how worried I was when you ran out this morning with that look in your eyes?" Allen's face flushed red from the open display of affection from the normally stoic older male.

"I'm going with Miss Anita," Allen said softly.

"Going where?" Kanda asked pulling away a bit, though retaining his hold on the younger boy.

"To find my master," Allen said.

"And you don't think you could have told me about this plan of yours? You were just going to leave and to hell with everything else?" Kanda's voice rose slightly with anger as his eyes narrowed at the pale boy who was looking anywhere but at him. "You don't give a damn about anything do you? So fucking stuck in a past you can't even remember, to bother with anyone." Allen didn't say anything, as he felt tears sting at his eyes, though he refused to let them fall.

"Damn it, you know what Allen," Kanda's expression darkened, "you are _just_ like what you remember, a little bastard child with no real emotions." At that something inside Allen broke.

"I'm sorry to have been such a burden," Allen said as a smile graced his features, though there was no expression in his tarnished silver eyes. The pain inside the small boy was threatening to crush him with its force.

"_No matter what happened in the past, I've seen who you are now…and that's the boy I've fallen for."_

Kanda's voice was so sweet in Allen's mind and it only made the restrained tears build behind the porcelain mask.

"The ship was heading for England. It's not much but it's a start," Allen said.

"Che, do whatever the fuck you want – baka Moyashi," Kanda snapped as he released Allen, stalking off the ship.

"Allen," Anita called softly, "are you alright?"

"Never better," Allen said before walking over to gaze out over the water, silent tears streaming from beneath his mask – a contradiction to his smiling face.

xXx

After setting sail towards England, Allen spent most of his time gazing out at the sea. Anita and Mahoja had introduced him to the crew and he'd found a soft light hearted feeling rise in him every time someone would mention home, which was oft to happen as that was the hope that kept these people going, it was their shining beacon. The men would smile and speak fondly about their wives and children who were waiting for them back at home and continue to work diligently. Though uplifting and hopeful, it would only remind Allen that he had no one to go home to, should he accomplish whatever it was he had set out to do.

Over the next week of sailing Allen found himself wondering what he intended to do. He had been so flustered when he'd woken from Road's twisted dream world that he could only think about escaping, getting as far away from Kanda before something bad happened. It never occurred to Allen that he'd come to think of Miss Anita and her crew as a family as well. But stuck out in the middle of the sea, Allen had no where to run to, so he resorted to praying and thinking.

Every once in a while a memory would surface, throwing Allen into a fit of gloom, it was at times like these that the unfamiliar words of pleading forgiveness and atonement poured from his lips.

Kanda was a common topic of thought for Allen during his restless nights staring at the moon glistening against the breaking waters. Allen often found himself at the stern looking back across the water and yearning for what he had left behind. Every time he began to drift into regrets of leaving he would scold himself for his weak resolve and push the pointless thoughts from his head, choosing to busy himself with thinking up a plan for when he reached England.

After much pondering Allen had decided that he would seek out the Earl. The search for his master was proving futile thus far and unless there was a miracle, it wasn't likely to get better. Being aware of his role in life Allen had resigned to his fate, but just because he was to be sacrificed for whatever war that was being fought between the Earl and the Order didn't mean that he had to do so without fighting his own worth. After all, his master had said it was his responsibility to screw up the tedious pattern of killing on both sides.

'Master probably wouldn't approve,' Allen thought as he came to a firm conclusion of what he intended to do. The Earl had so _kindly_ extended an invitation to him that it would be an insult not to accept.

xXx

"Yuu please put your sword away, Daisya didn't mean it," Tiedoll chided.

"If the damn jester didn't mean it he should have kept his fucking mouth shut," Kanda snapped, though he complied as he sheathed Mugen.

"God man you're such a prick," Daisya grumbled as he rubbed at where the sword had almost decapitated him. "So the kid left? It's not the end of the world."

"Shut your goddamn mouth before I cut out your fucking tongue," Kanda growled.

"Yuu, you never did tell us why Allen left," Tiedoll said, the implied question remaining unanswered as Kanda ignored the old man. Taking a bite of the soba Marie had prepared Kanda instantly tensed up; it wasn't anywhere near as good as when Allen had made it – even without his stupid family bringing up the white hared boy every five seconds, Kanda's own mind kept circling around things that reminded him of the boy.

"If you miss him so much go bring him back," Daisya said. "And tell him that the food's sucked since he's been gone, no offence Marie."

"Damn Moyashi didn't belong here anyway," Kanda said pushing his barely touched soba away and standing. "I'm going to train."

"I don't think I'll last long with the resident slice happy samurai all dark and broody, even the smallest thing sends him into a fit," Daisya muttered in exasperation as soon as Kanda was out of earshot.

"He's probably angry with himself for letting Allen go," Marie said. "Knowing how he is, he probably overreacted to something."

"Yeah and the poor bastard is too damn proud and stubborn to ever apologize," Daisya said leaning back in his chair.

"There's one thing that bothers me though," Tiedoll said. "I don't understand why Allen would leave so abruptly, without saying goodbye or anything."

"He went to England right, probably just looking for his family, might have gotten a tip off in the port and snapped up the chance to hitch a ride on the first ship heading that way," Daisya said.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" Tiedoll asked.

"Kanda's an ass, but he's reliable enough. He'll probably be over it soon enough," Daisya said nonchalantly.

"Not Kanda," Tiedoll said. "What if he doesn't find what he's looking for?"

"Well if he's smart, he'll just come back here," Daisya said, "but from what I can tell he's not a pushover either, I mean he can put up with Kanda well enough."

Allen would never know it, but he was greatly missed by all in the pristine house overlooking the sea.

xXx

"Thank you for everything Miss Anita," Allen said smiling as he hopped of the ship at the dank port in Dover.

"You are most welcome Allen, be sure to send word our way if you find Cross," Anita said, "and be careful."

"I will, and the same to you," Allen smiled. "What's the saying… fair winds and following seas?"

"Fair winds and following seas and long may your big jib draw!" the crew chorused whilst laughter filled the air.

"You don't know how long it's been since we heard that one kid," one of the men said grinning from aboard the ship. "Good luck to you!" Allen felt a strange twist of joy at having seen the display of enthusiasm the seemingly insignificant phrase had evoked in the crew. Anita's eyes sparkled with thanks to Allen for unknowingly renewing the crew's spirits.

With the naval blessing in the air along with high spirits Allen turned his back on yet another home in favor of his preordained demise.

xXx

"Where are you headed boy?" a lanky man asked as he pulled his vehicle to the side of the road. Allen had been walking along a road that someone had kindly pointed him along, he hadn't gotten very far and he didn't know how long he'd have to walk before reaching London but he had few options at the moment.

"London," Allen replied.

"London? That's about seventy miles from here," the man laughed, "you intend to walk that distance? It'll take you a week."

"I'm sure I can manage…once I don't get lost that is, I've been told I have a horrible sense of direction," Allen said laughing lightly as he ran a hand through his bangs.

"Well I'm going up that way if you want a lift," the man said "it'll be a long drive, but it beats walking."

"Thank you so much," Allen said as he climbed into the passenger seat next to the man. "I'm Allen by the way."

"Well Allen, it's nice to meet you. I'm Toma," the male said.

xXx

"I can't take it anymore!" Daisya yelled in frustration as he smacked his head against the dining room table.

"Stop that," Marie said resting a hand on the younger male's shoulder.

"Tiedoll man you have to do something!" Daisya grumbled. "Kanda's fucking lost his mind; I mean he's a disagreeable guy by nature but he's snapped. He won't even eat anything without his expression darkening and every time he passes the guest room he glares at the door as if wishing it would burst into flames."

"Things around the Order have been quiet lately, maybe all he needs is a mission to take his mind off everything," Marie said.

"That's just the thing, no one has been given any missions lately and that just seems to wind his wire tighter," Daisya said. "He's fucking spring loaded and going to burst and kill someone or something."

"I think a mission is just what Yuu needs," Tiedoll smiled as he stood and made his way over to the phone. Two pairs of eyes followed him curiously as the old man dialed a number. "Komui, I'd like to ask a favor. It's about Kanda. Yes I know there aren't any missions right now. Send him to London on reconnaissance. There's someone there that he needs to sort some things through with but he's too stubborn to go of his own will. Oh I'm sure things will work out fine once we get him there. Yes. Thank you. How's Lenalee by the way? That's good to hear. Well take care, goodbye." Tiedoll put down the phone, the smile never leaving his features as he walked back to the table and took a sip of his tea.

"You're sending Kanda on a bogus mission?" Daisya asked in mild shock. "That's damn brilliant!"

"Yuu will get the message later today and should be shipped out by tomorrow," Tiedoll said.

"I hope he doesn't screw up this chance with the kid, he probably won't have another," Daisya sighed as he slumped back in his chair.

xXx

"Thank you for the ride," Allen said as he hopped out of the vehicle a smile upon his face.

"You're most welcome," Toma said waving as he continued on his way, leaving Allen to wander about the dreary London streets. 'I really have no idea where to go from here,' Allen thought. 'I suppose I could wander around until by some stroke of luck I run into the Earl. Then again if I'm so good a cheating it must mean that I'm not very lucky.' Allen heaved a sigh as silver eyes scanned the surrounding areas for anything that could lead him to his target.

xXx

"A recon mission to London, as in London England?" Kanda couldn't believe his ears when his supervisor called with a new mission. "You've got to be shitting me." It had been a little over a week since Allen had left and Kanda had stubbornly been brooding over the loss of the younger male, while berating himself for caring. "No I'm not turning the damn mission down," Kanda snapped into the receiver when questioned about his reaction.

"I'm not fucking angry you damn scientist, go drink your coffee and quit screwing with me!" Kanda snapped as he slammed the phone down heading to his room. 'That bastard is always getting too personal with everyone…of course I'm up to the fucking mission, since when have I ever turned down a mis-' Kanda's thoughts came to an abrupt stop as he recalled asking Lavi to go without him, in favor of staying with Allen. He'd turned down a mission for the white haired boy, he'd never done that for anyone yet he had done it for a stranger – a stranger he couldn't get out of his head.

'It's not like I'll be seeing him anyway,' Kanda thought in frustration as he felt the bitter need for the boy stirring within him 'he left of his own accord, he wants nothing to do with me.'

xXx

After almost three hours of searching for any clue of where he could find the Earl, Allen flopped down on a bench, staring at a bunch of pigeons strutting about and pecking at seeds and breadcrumbs tossed to them by random civilians.

"_Why is it that strangers take pity on creatures like these but will turn a cold shoulder on their own?"_

"_Humans are fickle creatures Allen. They do things simply because they can, and if they can't then they try harder, always striving to reach the unattainable."_

_A pale young boy pouted as his brows furrowed in thought._

"_That doesn't make any sense."_

"_They can't help others of their kind for fear of being left behind. Life is a race to the finish amongst humans. They lie and cheat and steal to get themselves ahead in life, but no matter what they achieve their end is always the same."_

"_But you didn't turn your back on me."_

"_But I may be using you."_

_A soft sound like bells rose from the boy's laughter. He understood clearly from the light tone of the man he considered his father that ambiguity can be found in every word and every act. Everything in this world has two sides even if you can't see them._

"_I may be using you too."_

_The tall man laughed as a grin split his features, long fingers ruffling the white locks affectionately. _

"Well look who's left the lonely port," Tyki's voice broken Allen from his thoughts. "What brings you to merry old London?"

"Tyki!" Allen exclaimed in surprise as he looked up to see the male grinning down at him.

"Happy to see me?" Tyki asked.

"Yes actually," Allen smiled.

"I take it you didn't come all this way to look at pigeons," Tyki said as he offered a hand, pulling Allen up from the bench.

"I didn't," Allen said before seriousness set into his features and voice. "I never asked, but you know the earl don't you?"

"Why?" Tyki asked.

"I want you to take me to him," Allen said, expression unwavering even as Tyki began to laugh.

"What brought this on?" Tyki asked. 'Well what do you know, Road did it,' the Portuguese male mentally congratulated.

"I played a game that opened my eyes," Allen said vaguely.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Tyki asked, to which Allen simply nodded. "Then follow me."

xXx

"_Yuu, look for Allen while you're in London," Tiedoll said, "see if you can't convince him to come back."_

"_I don't give a damn about that brat!" Kanda snapped, shooting the old man a sharp glare. "He decided to leave so he can enjoy his fucking life wherever the hell he is."_

"_Yuu dear, be reasonable," Tiedoll admonished, "you care about him, and I'm sure he cares about you too. He's a sweet boy but he's confused."_

"_If he cared so damn much, he wouldn't have left," Kanda grumbled. "He doesn't give a shit about anything but his fucking past. And I don't give a shit about him." The dark haired man's cobalt eyes dulled with a conflicting ferocity._

'What does he see when he looks out there?' Kanda thought dully as he gazed out at the sea. 'Damn him for fucking me over like this.'

xXx

"Here we are," Tyki said stopping before the wrought iron gates surrounding the proudly standing mansion. There was a chill in the air despite the glow of warmth portrayed by the elaborate establishment.

"A pleasure to meet you Allen," the Earl greeted as the boy crossed the threshold into the largely ornate front hall.

"Likewise," Allen replied politely as he took in the extravagance that surrounded him.

"I didn't know Road had managed to convince you," the Earl said pushing up his glasses.

"She was quite persuasive," Allen said glancing to the girl who sat a couple of feet to his left, on the rich oaken banister of the main stairs.

"So Allen, did you have a nice dream?" Road asked smugly.

"I have a one question," Allen said disregarding the mocking tone and the obvious implication.

"You don't waste any time do you?" the Earl laughed as he gestured for Allen to follow him.

"Why do you do what you do?" Allen asked as he was led into a lounge of some sort, ornate furniture spread throughout the room in an odd yet beautiful arrangement. The intricate golden designs interwoven with the black of the plush chairs and couches caught Allen's gaze, depicting the maddening spiral of a crumbling society in its eternal patterns. Everything about the room screamed of a devastating anarchy.

"I'm making this world a better place," the Earl responded as he took a seat, hand casually gesturing for Allen to do the same.

"Do you actually believe that?" Allen asked.

"You're memories aren't enough proof?" the Earl asked. "Why else would I be the one they thank and you the one they call monster?" Allen's brows furrowed as he recalled the horrid memories.

"Open your eyes boy, this world may be all rainbows and butterflies but the rainbows are a poisonous miasma and the butterflies are flesh eating golems," the Earl said his grin broadening at the distressed look in Allen's tarnished silver eyes.

xXx

'Recon huh, this city is a beacon for misery,' Kanda thought as he made his way through the town, taking in the dreary atmosphere and the potential akuma candidates everywhere 'if I can't find anything that would be a surprise.'

Kanda had been wandering around for hours after he had made his way to the city. He wasn't entirely sure what he was looking for, just that he often found himself hoping to catch a glimpse of white hair and silver eyes. He had no idea what he'd say or do if he saw Allen, but in the city the boy was in he found it impossible to deny his need to see him again.

'Bring him back right Tiedoll?' Kanda mentally laughed at the stupidity of the thought. 'He won't want to come back; he probably found what he was looking for and is happy as hell. As if he'd want to go back with me even if I asked,' Kanda shook his head to banish the daunting thoughts while he busied himself with his very vague mission.

xXx

"There isn't a damn thing in this world worth protecting. You have nothing, no family, no past, no hope and even the people hate you," the Earl said in a bitterly sardonic tone. Allen was silent as the strange aristocratic male piled up his grievances. "Why do you keep fighting for them?"

"I keep fighting because I have nothing," Allen said after a moment of silent deliberation, "self-sacrifice is all I have to offer as atonement."

"And you come here for your atonement? There is no salvation for this world and even if there was you wouldn't find it here," the Earl said.

"Perhaps if I were to fulfill the destiny fate has placed upon me, God may take pity on this world and it may begin to change for the better," Allen said as the muscles in his left hand twitched with an ache to exact some sort of punishment on the deviant before him.

"You're an idealistic dreamer; such things will never come to pass," the Earl said, noting the tense look in the boy's posture. "You're deluding yourself if you think that you will be able to make a difference all by yourself."

"My master once told me that it was my destiny to bring about an end to the war you've been waging. When I recalled that memory I had no idea what he meant – how could a sinner like me ever hope to save anyone when I can't even save myself?" Allen's voice was as sweet as his smile, the bitterness masked by the flawless mask he wore. "But it's more than just ending something; I can't do anything of the sort."

"You shouldn't be so hasty to attack someone boy," the Earl said as Allen stood, hands clenched into fists at his sides.

"I understand now why my master wouldn't go back to the Order," Allen said as he took a swing at the Earl, only for the male to dodge and assuming a ready position himself. "He knew that your world of infinite black and white was much more muddled than anyone could possibly believe. Darkness is illuminated by light much in the way that the light is tainted by the darkness, giving rise to many shades of grey."

The Earl's laughter resounded through the air as he caught Allen stiffly in the gut. Allen coughed, feeling winded from the blow whilst also noting the fact that the threat had managed to only stimulate his need for justice.

After a short tousle ending with the Earl being pinned against the wall, Allen's forearm pressed up against his throat.

"You tell me to open my eyes and I'll tell you that I have, I know my role and if nothing else I wish to play it until curtain call, because that is what I was taught to do," Allen said as he pushed harder against the Earl's trachea. A sickening crack broke the air as a widening grin spread across the Earl's face, a completely satisfied look in his eyes.

"My physical body may rot and decay but what I've done in this world will never die my dear boy and _you _are testament to that fact," the Earl said knowing that he'd won either way – though death hadn't been on his schedule for the day.

"For everything in this world there are always two sides and though difficult to see this delicate balance is forever maintained and there is absolutely nothing that you or I can do to change that," Allen said softly not moving from where he stood.

"Does it feel good?" the Earl sputtered as he gasped for breath.

"No," Allen said, cringing at the eerie labored laughter of the older male.

"This world wasn't made for people like us," the Earl coughed, blood spattering against the pale flesh of Allen's face.

"And yet we are forced to live in it," Allen said swallowing the bile that rose in his throat.

"We make use…of what we are given...and we do what we can…but it'll never be enough," the Earl gasped through the blood that was quickly filling his lungs.

"I'll be following you shortly," Allen whispered as he lowered the body to the ground.

"What a pitiful whiteface clown you make," the Earl's ever present maniacal grin not fading even as his breathing ceased. Then silence blanketed the room – a very final foreboding type of silence that seemed to mock Allen in the aftermath of his crime.

"You really are one of us," Road said, voice twisted between joy and grief, tears streaming down her face. "Murderer and demon through and through."

"What a shame, the sacrificial lamb was stained in blood," Tyki muttered from off to the side, no longer clothed in the sketchy attire, a clean cut suit adorning his figure, top hat spinning upon a single gloved finger.

"It will never end you know," Road said as she slipped off the second floor banister, floating delicately to the ground by way of her pink parasol. Allen nodded mutely, silver eyes hardening with the severity of what he had just done.

"Now that the lamb is tainted, it can no longer belong in this world," Tyki said, golden eyes capturing Allen's silver gaze.

"I never belonged in the first place," Allen whispered before turning his back on everything of and within the dark mansion, walking aimlessly onto the cold and unforgiving London streets.

xXx

After roaming the streets for several hours Kanda sat down in an open air café for tea, hoping to clear his mind in the process. What he didn't expect to see was the snowy white locks of what was unmistakably Allen, passing through some buildings to the far end of the clearing. Without any further thought Kanda slapped some money down on the table and ran towards the boy.

Pushing and shoving people out of his way Kanda finally made it to the place where Allen had just been only to find that Allen was once again nowhere in sight. Cursing, Kanda looked around frantically for the boy before resorting to asking people if they had seen him.

xXx

Allen didn't know what was leading him through the busy London streets but the surreal feeling was akin to walking through a dream. When his glassy silver eyes cleared Allen took in his surroundings, a small secluded area surrounded by bare and brittle trees.

"Mana," Allen whispered as he took in the lone unmarked headstone at the base of one of the larger trees. Allen's fingers traced the cold stone with a kind of yearning as tears began to stream down pale cheeks.

"I'm sorry I've been away for so long," Allen said as he collapsed to his knees on the crude grave, hugging the cold stone marker. "I have been so lost, but I'm back now."

"_Always keep walking forward Allen."_

"You told me to keep walking but I'm just so tired," Allen said as he slid from the stone to lie atop the grave dirt, blood and tears seeping into the earth as soft puffs of white warmth broke the surrounding December air.

"_Keep walking."_

"So very tired," Allen's voice faded as his eyes fluttered closed and he fell into a sleep from which he intended not to wake.

xXx

"A white haired lad was headed past here about an hour ago, he was heading that way," a shop man said pointing in the direction he'd seen the boy go, "looked rather distressed." Kanda nodded his thanks before rushing off in the bidden direction.

'Where are you?' Cobalt eyes glanced up to the darkening sky as the first snow of the season began to fall.

After following the spoken trail of witnesses to Allen's whereabouts, Kanda found himself wandering around a rather dismal and remote area of London. The snow had been steadily falling for a little over two hours and Kanda could only hope that Allen was somewhere inside where it was at least somewhat warm.

Upon rounding the corner of an abandoned building, Kanda's eyes fell upon a snow dusted figure lying in front of a grave marker. Cobalt eyes widened as the Japanese male ran to the boy's side pulling the frail body into his arms.

"Moyashi!" Kanda said urgently as he brushed away the snow from his face. "Baka, you're freezing!" Allen didn't stir, his breathing was slow and his infantile face was streaked with tears, blood and dirt.

"What the fuck did you do brat?" Kanda grumbled as he lifted Allen and hastily made his way to an inn. Kanda received some odd looks as he passed people however the angry scowl upon his face kept all questions at bay. Once in the room Kanda cleaned Allen up, gently washing the blood and dirt from his face before wrapping the boy up in a thick blanket.

After what seemed like hours at his bedside Kanda heard a soft groan as the pale boy pushed himself into a sitting position, sleep drunken silver eyes surveying his surroundings.

"Kanda?" Allen asked groggily as he rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"Baka Moyashi, of course it's me," Kanda said while sighing his relief. "Who else could tolerate a brat like you?" The tone was light and Allen smiled before recalling the events that had transpired earlier that day.

"What are you doing here?" Allen asked.

"I came here for work, and imagine my surprise when I saw you across the square," Kanda said. "I followed you and found you asleep on a grave in the snow. You weren't trying to kill yourself were you?"

"I killed the Earl," Allen said ignoring the posed question. Cobalt eyes widened as Kanda gripped Allen's shoulders.

"Are you serious?" Kanda asked, eyes boring into the silver ones of the boy in front of him.

"It was different that what I'd felt before," Allen said, "it wasn't like killing akuma; it was just as simple maybe more so but it…Tyki and Road, they were crying though they didn't seem sad…I think that's how it was for me too."

"I'm going to ask you something and I want you to tell me the truth," Kanda said seriously, "that morning you woke you in a panic, you remembered your initial purpose didn't you?" Allen nodded, white locks swaying with the movement.

"Were you apprentice to General Cross of the Order?" Kanda asked to which Allen once again nodded. Kanda felt the pieces of the puzzle slowly coming together in his head as he prepared to ask another question.

"When you left, you already knew you weren't going to search for Cross didn't you?" Kanda asked.

"If master is alive, he won't be found unless he wants to be found so there is no use searching for him," Allen said. "I didn't know what I intended to do but I received a personalized invitation to join the Earl. I had recalled a lot of things that made me question what's right and what's wrong."

"Why didn't you talk to me about it?" Kanda asked. "Why did you up and go without so much as a goodbye to anyone?"

"All I was thinking about was getting away from you before something bad happened," Allen muttered, gaze drifting to the floor. "Bad things always happen to the people I care about."

"Baka," Kanda said as he pulled Allen into an embrace and placed a chaste kiss on the crown of his head.

"I'm supposed to die," Allen said as he pulled back a bit from the Japanese male. "It's my role in this game."

"This isn't a game, this is life, your life and you are too damn eager to throw it away," Kanda said, "you didn't have to lie down to die when you completed your self appointed mission. You could have come back."

"I only ever cause you trouble," Allen said, "and you made it clear on the ship that you had had enough of me."

"Fucking hell, I was pissed off but I didn't want you to leave!" Kanda said, brows furrowing. "I wouldn't have come looking for you if I had wanted you to leave."

"But –" Allen was silence by warm lips against his.

"I want you to come back with me," Kanda said as he cupped Allen's face gently in a callused hand. "No more of this crap about going off to die because it's your fate and no more running away. I have a lot to tell you about me and what it is I really do. You having killed the Earl, probably put me out of a job so we'll have ample time to get over whatever the heck we have to get over."

"Just because he's dead doesn't mean things will be better," Allen said.

"But they'll be open for change," Kanda said. Allen looked up at Kanda, emotions smoldering behind chrome masks.

"I don't belong there," Allen said softly.

"Baka Moyashi," Kanda said shaking his head, "open those pretty eyes of yours to a new life and stop dwelling in the past."

"A lot of people have been telling me to _open my eyes_ lately," Allen mused. "Are you alright with living with a sinner?"

"Depends," Kanda said a smirk turning the corners of his mouth. Allen gave him a quizzical look before the smirk widened. "Are you?"

"Only if it's you," Allen's smile brightened.

"Che, baka," Kanda mumbled into Allen's hair as he hugged the boy close to him.

The past shows you who you once were, however it is a poor indication of who you are. People are always changing; every daily occurrence building upon who they are. They can be likened to time in that sense, no second can be brought back once it has passed and each one is unique. Their past does not define them and it's never too late to change.

_End_

* * *

A/N: Damn it, this was a bitch to write (the ending *points accusingly*) I've been working on this for almost two weeks now and the reason is: I couldn't write the stupid ending! I had it all in my head how I wanted it to go, but I just couldn't write it to my satisfaction, so there must have been 12 or 13 different ending scenes and I still didn't get it quite right *sigh* God I should have been studying for chem. *cries*

And before I forget, _Augen Auf _is German for _Eyes Open_. The English equivalent of "ready or not, here I come" of Hide and Seek. That being said, the title probably makes more sense now doesn't it *nods* or then again maybe not *shrugs* it makes sense to me.

So, here's my longest one-shot yet. I had originally planned to release it in three installments of approximately 10,000 words but I caved and decided to just post the whole thing in one go like usual. But I was wondering if I should have used chapters, does that make it easier to read?

Anyway thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed my works.

Comments are welcomed – they make me happy :)


	2. Epilogue

**Epilogue **

I have to say that returning with Kanda was one of the most nerve wracking experiences I ever remember having. It took almost a week on the ship to get back, which was more than enough time to fuss over whether or not I'd be welcomed back after having left without so much as a word of thanks for their extended hospitality.

Many times I thought I should just turn around and go back to London, wondering why exactly I'd given in to Kanda, allowing the male to take me back with him. I didn't belong there. There's nothing I wanted more, but something in me told me that no matter where I was trouble would follow and I would subsequently find myself alone and grieving.

I had even made an attempt to hijack a dingy and paddle my way back to London. That idea was a complete failure.

"_Moyashi what the fuck are you doing?" Kanda asked, brow raised in amused questioning. Allen yelped in surprise as he whipped around to stare into cobalt eyes, rivaling that of the ocean waters in the dim light of the moon. _

"_Nothing," Allen said quickly, stepping away from the skiff. A smirk drew itself upon the older male's face as he stalked forward, eyes raking over the loosened rigging, keeping the small boat attached to the side of the ship._

"_Nothing huh?" Kanda said leisurely, a dangerous undertone to the calmness in his mannerisms "so I didn't just catch you trying to run off on me again?"_

"_No…uh…it looked loose so I was…" Allen trailed off as his silver eyes traced the floor boards._

"_Compulsive liar through and through and that's the best you could come up with?" Kanda almost laughed at the hilarity of the boy's expression – pale lips pursed into an adorable pout and cheeks tinted pink with embarrassment. _

"_I'm sorry," Allen muttered._

"_You should be," Kanda said watching the boy fidget "I did tell you no more running away." Allen was silent felt his cheeks heating up and his heart rate increasing as Kanda backed Allen up against a stack of crates. _

I would have gotten lost anyway. My sense of direction is hardly commendable and provided when out on the ocean there's nothing to use as landmarks I would probably never make it back to shore, as Kanda so kindly put it.

I remember it clearly, the apprehension I felt as I stood before the front door with Kanda at my side. I hadn't wanted to go inside, afraid of what would greet me.

There is nothing I can possibly say to encompass the heart warming feeling that overcame me as I walked through the familiar white doors.

"_Allen dear, welcome home," Tiedoll smiled as he hugged the boy. Silver eyes softened as Allen stifled the tears that wanted to bubble up within him._

I was so happy I could have died right then and there. For once in my life I felt like I belonged.

_End_

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A/N: So, I know it took long but **SeikaDragon **wanted an epilogue to show how Allen was welcomed home and his reaction and here it is. I know it's short but I thought that it was more dramatic to spend time on his feelings as he was returning home and make the actual event of his return and his reaction short and simple so that it'd have more of an impact. I had tried to write it longer but it just seemed too weighted so I cut it down to this. I hope it's not disappointing.

Anyway thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed my works.

Comments are welcomed – they make me happy :)


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